2005 Meme

No work for me today, it's New Year's Eve--let the fun begin. I saw this one around a couple places, but changed some of the questions to protect the innocent.

1) Was 2005 a good year for you? Yes!

2) What was your favorite moment of the year? Meeting Dr. J.

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? Studying for/Taking my comprehensive exams.

4) Where were you when 2005 began? At home.

5) Who were you with? No one.

6) Where will you be when 2005 ends? Hopefully somewhere fun.

7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends? Dr. J

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005? I didn't make one.

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006? To live with purpose. To take good care of myself and those I love. To have some fun.

10) Did you fall in love in 2005? Yes

11) If yes, with who? Dr. J

12) If yes, do they know? Yes (dumb question).

13) Are you still in love with them? More and more every day.

14) Do regret it? Of course not.

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005? Hmm. Do permanent disassociations count?

16) Did you make any new friends in 2005? Yes.

17) Who are your favorite new friends? Dr. J of course and my new Down South sorors.

18) What was your favorite month of 2005? Hmm, good question. The summer months were great. I defended my proposal, went on my first cruise, left CollegeTown, and met Dr. J!!

19) Did you travel outside of your country in 2005? Yes.

20) How many different states did you travel to in 2005? 10

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005? No, not by death.

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year? Yes.

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005? Nothing stands out. Favorite movie going experience was Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Wasn't that 2004? Well my favorite theatre experience was Spring 2005 seeing Tyler Perry's play Madea Goes to Jail--I have never laughed so much at anything in my entire life.

24) What was your favorite song from 2005? "Laffy Taffy" JUST KIDDING--can't pick one.

25) What was your favorite album of 2005? Kindred and the Family Soul--In This Life Together

26) What was your favorite book of 2005? Between comps and dissertation, it is so hard to pick a favorite. Favorite book that was given to me this year was The Purpose Driven Life.

27) What was your favorite dining experience of 2005? Going to the Melting Pot.

28) How many concerts did you attend in 2005? None.

29) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005? N/A

30) What news event will you remember most from 2005? Hurricane Katrina and the aftermath.

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed in 2005? No.

32) What was the biggest lie you told in 2005? Lied to myself, thinking I could move back home for a year without going crazy.

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005? That they could be trusted.

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005? I could have done better by someone.

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005? Someone could have done better by me.

36) How much money did you spend in 2005? Most of the money I had.

37) What was your proudest moment of 2005? When my committee told me my comp answers were outstanding and then they had no real questions for me.

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005? Gotta think on that one some more....

39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005, you would...? Probably go back to the day I met Dr. J and take a tape recorder because neither of us can remember all of that first conversation which lasted for hours.

40) What are your plans for 2006? Professionally--Finish my dissertation, graduate, move to beautiful NewSchoolCity and have a great start to my tenure track. Personally--Keep workin on me, Grow spiritually, Getting to know Dr. J better, Get closer to being out of DEBT, Make some new non-school friends in NewSchoolCity....List goes on

Happy New Year!!!

Major Research Day

For Chapter Five and I studying the internet campaign of an African American women politician. I had some copies of the files stored on my computer during her campaign, but it didn't occur to me at the time that the site would change or go down one day. Duh. So I spent a few months looking for archives. One day I found the Internet Archive: Wayback Machine which archives all types of sites--it is a lifesaver. The cool thing is that it has the site I'm looking at before I started this project last year, so I get to see it in its first stages of development. It doesn't have everything on the site--but a good bit. So I've spent some hours today just studying the archives, collecting images, and saving copies of what I can so I'll have plenty to write about later. I think this may be the last of the dissertation work I do in 2005!!

Step Away From the Keyboard

I need help. I have been sitting here pretty much since I wrote: 2 Days 4 1 More Task. I am understanding how a lot of my friends gained weight while writing their diss. I keep bringing plates of food and snacks back to the office--that's not healthy. Durn dissertation process is not healthy.

I could keep going for another hour or two--I really wanted to be done with this chapter before the ball drops for New Year. But I really need to stop. This is getting ridiculous. CoChair was not kidding when she said Chapter One would require at least 2 or 3 days of work. But that was not an instruction for me to attempt to revise for 48-72 hours in a row. But reality is, I think I've satisfied all of her issues. There are just one or two I'm going to disagree with, but she was right on in her comments. It's good to have helpful feedback. All I really have left to do with this chapter is find some more sources. I found the call numbers for about 30 books at HBU library that should help me out. So I'm all ready to go down there tomorrow.

But of course, after all this work today, I just remembered--HBU is closed tomorrow.

Sigh. Why didn't I take my lazy behind to the library today? Oh yeah, cuz I'm lazy. Oh well. Since I spent all day on Chapter One and it is pretty much ready to go except for the sources, tomorrow I'll spend my work hours on Chapter Five. After that, I'll head to the mall as my end of the work week treat--I got some Express giftcard money to spend.

Electronic Dissertation

In the not so distant future, my R1 institution will join the ranks of others in requiring that PhD students submit their dissertation electronically. This gives institutions around the world greater access to the work, and I believe allows the clearinghouse to sell your dissertation to whomever would like to buy it. Fortunately, I fall under the ol' grandfather clause and won't be affected by this new "rule." For the time being, I have the option of a paper vs. electronic dissertation.

I personally like the oldfashioned paper route and would like to have an oldfashioned bound copy of my dissertation like I do for my MA thesis. And frankly the hoops you have to go through to protect your work with the electronic dissertation process are a little intimidating. And , despite claims that I'm a machine, I am quite lazy. Paper seems easier and less infringing on my future publication plans.

But maybe I'm missing something. Are there some dramatically wonderful reasons why I should go the electronic dissertation route??

Cute

Your Love Quote

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

What Love Quote Suits You?

Now back to work...

2 Days 4 1 More Task

First, many congrats to Professor Me bka Acade(me) who has perhaps found her new academic home. I wish you well on a smooth and productive negotiation process! (And I'm considering your dissertation counter proposal--see the comments from yesterday).

We are down to the last two weekdays of the year and weekdays for me are always workdays. My orginal goal for these last two days was to revise my Chapter One. I should probably get going on that but part of me would rather start on Chapter Five. I presented a version of Chapter Five at my Major Conference last month. The respondent, who is a well recognized scholar in this area, believed that Chapter Five was close to "pleasing my advisor." Her only recommendation was that I really needed to work on a conclusion. That wouldn't take moreo than a day or two to finish. But I know I also need to beef up the biography section of that chapter so that it matches the others. Oh the conflict. Perhaps I'll split the difference and spend 4 hours on Chapter One this afternoon and then 4 hours on Chapter Five this evening. Hmmmm.....

Chapter Four--OUT!!

I love days on which I finish chapter drafts. It's raining outside, but I can hardly tell--I feel so bright and sunny. Chapter Four is off to the CoChairs and it feels GREAT to have it off my desk before the New Year. I wonder when I'll get some feedback on it....

In other news, I went to the public library and checked out a bunch of books to look over for my Spring seminar on Black women. I'm so excited about that class. It is going to be hard to narrow down the books I want to use for this course. I want to do a mix of secondary texts and autobiographies--we'll see. I'm looking forward to reading these texts and can't wait until I'm officially a professor so I can get some desk copies.

Getting Closer

My 12 hour work day should have ended with a complete chapter, but there was just a lot more to get through in this last section than I realized (story of my dissertation). This chapter is just getting longer and longer. Sigh. I am about three paragraphs short of being finished with Chapter Four. I am going to get some sleep so I can write those and proofread the entire thing tomorrow. Hopefully, I can have all that done by the afternoon so I can start in on revising Chapter One.

Make it a Good One

It is the last week of the year. This year has gone by way too fast. So although I don't consistently make New Year's resolutions, I am resolved this year to make a resolution for the last week of the year--I need to make it a good one. I rested most of yesterday and reread the last half of my primary text that is the focus of Chapter Four. I'm glad I reread it because I definitely missed some things the first couple times through. Today, I thought about making my "return things to the mall" trip, but I think that can wait. I want today to be a great day of finishing my concluding section to this chapter. Tomorrow morning I will get up an proofread it and send it off to my Chairs. Then I'll head down to HBU library to get some sources I need to revise Chapter One. CoChair #2 promised that it shouldn't take more than two days to get through her revisions. I've been putting them off for months now largely because that's about 46 more hours than I really wanted to spend on that chapter. But I will give it my all Wednesday and Thursday so that I can send it back on Friday. Once I get these two out, I will be in the mood to really celebrate my first New Year's Eve with Dr. John. I'm not sure yet what we're doing but I'm sure we'll make it a good one.

Winding down

The last guest has left. The christmas cheer has come and gone. I'm sleepy and should be in bed. But what do I do after such a wonderful (and I mean Wonderful Christmas day)?

I pick up a book to catch up on some reading I need to do to write a new concluding section to the diss. Now that ain't right.

Merry Christmas!!

I completed my holiday shopping in a record (for me) two hours. Got my family and Dr. J's family knocked out. But I realized something. I miss the days when I could just say Merry Christmas without batting an eye. Now I gotta think, should I send so-and-so a Merry Christmas or a Happy Holiday or a Season's Greetings card. Maybe that's why I didn't send cards out this year. Everything has gotten too doggone complicated. I'm not nostalgic about many things in the past (after all I'm an 80s baby and goodness knows we all barely made it out of that decade in one piece), but I do miss a good ol' Merry Christmas. Just Merry Christmas. Do the Salvation Army bell ringers even say Merry Christmas anymore?? Such a rip-off. And don't get me started on this whole, "let's not have church on Christmas Sunday" trend! Hello people! Next you gonna tell me that there's no church on Easter Sunday--just ludicrous I tell ya!! If that's the case we might as well go back to work on Christmas, I'll even teach a class, and the post office can bring me my durn mail while I'm at work. Geez. This is Christmas, not Columbus Day--now that's a holiday we can "contemplate" at home while watching a video--did u hear about the church that is sending the congregation home with DVDs to watch on Christmas?? Sigh let me stop before I really go off. Please if you see me on the street--please say Merry Christmas, that would make my day.

In other much better and brighter news, I finished all those durn books. Last one I had to read was John Kerry's A Call to Service. Sigh. All of the books I read this week were very straightforward and quick. But I did read (and not grad school skim) read five books this week. That was some great mental exercise. I need to get on a book-a-day diet. I think I've been working so well this week, in part, because I've been reading a lot. Possible dissertation tip?: Put words in to get words out?? Hmmm...

I spent a couple hours tonight and just knocked out the rest of this genre section. Only took 778 words, some deleting and rewriting to polish that section off. It is now complete. I'm sure what I just wrote needs some proofing, but I'm not going to look at it tonight. I am off for Christmas. I'll give the whole thing a clean-up when I finish the concluding section after Christmas. Things are continuing to look up for this chapter being off my desk by the 28th!!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight!!

Onward I Go

Thanks for the encouraging words from those of you who commented on my post yesterday. I didn't realize how much I needed them. I got a wonderful "pep talk" from Dr. J last night too and I feel ready to take on this challenge. Finishing in the next 60 something odd days is not impossible--it's just a tremendous challenge. And Dr. J is right, I don't give myself enough credit for the hard work I do. So I'm just going to try and stay focused and see if I can do it. Worse case scenario, I don't defend until April or something--best case scenario, I wrap this bad boy up in February and defend in time to graduate in May. Man that would be FANTASTIC.

So today, I shop. Tonight, I write. Try to finish this genre section and dig into the rest of my revisions for Chapter One. Tomorrow I get up and hit the road to spend Christmas Eve with Dr. J and his family. No writing on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Christmas Day I'll be here with my family. I'm slowly getting into the spirit (a little late I know) but I had to let some of this work stress go first. I'm looking forward to good food. But today, I shop and tonight, I write.

24/7 Dissertation

For the next two months, I must eat-sleep-breathe my dissertation if I want to possibly graduate in May. For reasons unbeknownst to me, I must defend by early March in order to graduate in May. So I've added this nice little ticker to my blog to remind me of how very little time there is between now and the end of February (which is when I'd have to have this thing together to defend my early March). Why do schools make such deadlines??

Now fortunately, my job does not require that I graduate in May, so at least I do not have that added pressure. As long as my PhD is in hand by August graduation, the good people at my New School will be happy to start my tenure clock. But I really want to walk across that stage in May. Is it incredibly realistic? Probably not. I'm about a month/a chapter behind where I planned to be at this point.

But I figure, there is no harm in trying. By defending in March/graduating in May, I give myself some genuine time off from school. I finish my dissertation at the same time my fellowship ends, meaning that I don't have to figure out how to pay summer out-of-state tuition so I can graduate in August. If I have to do that, I know I can manage--I'm sure I'll be working this summer--but if I can avoid spending extra money on tuition that could go towards a nice downpayment for a new place in New School City, that would be ideal.

So the pressure is on, and time is running down quickly--will I make it????

Paper or Plastic?

I'm having a tough time today deciding if I should spend the afternoon on my paper or grad my wallet full of plastic and head to the mall. I haven't purchased a single Christmas gift, except for Dr. John's which I bought at the same time I bought his birthday presents. My mother is the only other person I really have to buy a present for--she likes opening gifts. Everyone else can get a gift card. Well maybe I should get Dr. John's mom a real gift too. But then, he has three mommas so that opens the door to buying everybody something. Sigh. I don't feel like shopping. Just like I didn't feel like sending out any cards this year. My mind is on this paper. I generally end up shopping the day before Christmas anyways, but usually that's planned procrastination. This year it looks like its going to be real procrastination. I think I will work on the paper for the rest of the day and make a detailed list of what I need to buy tomorrow and Saturday. Tomorrow I shope for the "real" gifts, hopefully I'll see things that I like and can pick up my giftcards too. I think I'd have more energy for shopping (which I love) if this chapter was done already.

Realization

Realization: I cannot wait to be done with this dissertation.

I know that is pretty obvious--who in their right mind would want to stay in the dissertation phase forever?? But as I was trudging through these very quiet and dark stacks today, I realized that I would much rather be researching materials for my classes right now. It took a lot of effort to stay focused on the task at hand today, and while I was successful in completing my research for this chapter, I don't feel completely satisfied,because I wasn't really doing what I wanted to do. I kept making mental notes to "come back to this section for books for my seminar" as I ran into interesting new areas of books I don't normally wander in. I saw a ton of books I wanted to purchase with my start-up funds in the fall, but had to reign myself in and stay on the job of research for this durn chapter.

So I realized today, I am really ready to be a professor. I am looking forward to teaching and research when I am not in the student mode. What ultimately sucks about being a student (even one away from campus) is that you can't research and be completely on your own accord. I'm in the library today, not learning, but looking up sources for my chapter--not because I really think I need them--but because one of my committee members is really anal and has asked for more sources in his/her revisions. Being in the student mode for 20+ years of my life has gotten old--I am tired of doing homework. Today was definitely a homework type day. As I told my soror the other day over lunch, I have been in school since I was like 3 or 4. I am ready to be done. Ok, this is not a new feeling--it is not the most enlightened realization I've ever had, but it hit me really hard today. Being a student has gotten on my LAST nerve and I can't wait to be done. Dr. John tried very hard to be motivational for me today--telling me how proud he is of me for all the work I've accomplished already this week, and that I should be proud too. But regardless of all the work I've done in the past few days, I just don't feel satisfied--I am ready to be DONE with this thing. I am ready to do some real estate shopping; ready to move; ready to have my own office; ready for much more than I have now. 2006 is going to be a great year, Lord willing, since I will finally be done with being a student. I am looking forward to that--very much.

I was going to do some more writing tonight, but my head is swimming and I've been looking at this screen all day. (I did take my laptop down to HBU). I think I will relax and see if I can knock out two of these books tonight....

Back 2 School

Finished boring book #2 last night. It was a quick read. I think I'll read Clinton's Between Hope and History next. I'm heading back to HBU this afternoon to get those last sources I need. I'm moving really slow--I need to get my tail in gear. I may take my laptop and do some writing down there. I'm excited about getting a handle on this crazy chapter. Did I mention I'm ready to get this thing off of my desk???

Major Work Done

I'm groovin on these revisions--finally. Took care of all the missing citations except for one that I completely forgot to look up today. I'll have to definitely head back to HBU tomorrow to get it. Now I can move on to the two major things that are holding up this chapter: the genre section (which requires reading these dull books) and the concluding section. I thought I was going to have three components, but I see now that the chapter just needs a larger concluding section to address the information I felt was missing at the end of the analysis. So the sooner I can get through these dull books, the sooner I can finish this bad boy. It would be soooo wonderful to have this done before I see Dr. J for Christmas. I'm trying to let that be my motivation, but there is a lot of work to be done. Unfortunately, this chapter is becoming another "Stay Puft Marshmallow Chapter" but I'm not going to fight it. If it is another 50 pager, oh well, the advisors can cut it down for me. I'd rather give them too much than not enough. My goal was to keep my analysis chapters short, 25-30 pages max, but so far that strategy is not working. The 800 words I added tonight pushed me over the 30 mark and I would guess it's going to grow by 5-10 more pages. This dissertation is definitely shaping up to be a hefty sized book. (I'll save my thoughts about book vs. article publishing for another day.) For now, off to read Book #2 before bed.

Nerdy Things I Love

Library Research. I know I'm a nerd because I get excited about researching in a library. It is something that I want to truly infect my students with. I love going to the library for a book and just browsing the titles around that book--I always find something that I wasn't looking for, but really really needed. I always encourage students to do really exploratory library research, but so many of them are really reluctant to go into strange, scary stacks (which is a little understandable). But I love it. I was in some stacks today that I haven't been in since I was a high school student. They weren't as scary to me today as they were then and I hope to go back before Hometown Big Univ. (HBU) closes for the holidays on Friday.

Librarians. My FAVORITE public librarian was hard at work yesterday. I went in to find that wonderful index of Black magazines that she introduced me to last time. My memory is not always the best, but if you show me where a really useful book is in the library, I'm likely to remember it. Well I went straight to the spot where I thought the books were and they weren't there. Another reference librarian saw me looking very pitiful and confirmed that I wasn't crazy--that the books should be there. She walked around the reference section with me (bless her heart) to see if someone left it in a reshelving area. No avail. I started to go about looking up some other books, but something told me to go over to periodicals and see if my favorite librarian was working. And she was. I reintroduced myself and said remember those books....No sooner than I could finish my sentence, she began to giggle and reached under her desk. She pulled out all three volumes of this index and said "my boss told me to take these back days ago, I'm so sorry!" We had a good laugh and I got back to work.

Microfilm. I used to really hate microfilm and sometimes I prefer the hardcopies of periodicals (especially older ones). But since I started my diss I've come to appreciate microfilm. What a great way to get a lot of information into a small space. And microfilm seems to keep a lot of Black periodicals catalogued in libraries that don't necessarily have strong holdings in Africana studies. Only catch--I'm yet to find a microfilm reader with a really good printer--can we update the machines???

Coffee Shops in Libraries. I'm not a huge coffee drinker but I love that an increasing number of college libraries have coffee shops. It's always creates such a cozy, aromatic space to do some reading.

Books. I'm really just a nerd because I love books. If I didn't have to park on a meter today, I probably would have spent two more hours in the HBU library just looking around the shelves. They have some great collections and I'm going to be spending a lot more time down there. Gotta get a special borrowers card.

Had a really productive day of researching. I think I found all the sources I need to fill in the gaps in this chapter before I start revising my last two sections.

Off to Campus

I'm headed down to the Hometown Big University (HBU) library to finish up my research for this chapter. My big goal for today is to just finish the research so I can fill in my missing cites and move on to the two sections of this chapter that need to be fixed--big time. The HBU library is a little scary so this should be interesting. I need to photocopy a few book chapters and some articles from magazines--hopefully they have reasonable copy charges (unlike the public library which is a little high in the charges area). I need to find a lot of change before I go....

One Book Down

Today was a great work day. I realized that I have a little more research to do than I had hoped but that is okay. I accomplished my primary goals for today which were to get the books I really needed, and to start in on these revisions. I got in about 1000 words of changes tonight--that felt great. I've finished 2/3 of the first book--Jimmy Carter's exciting biography Why Not the Best? and I'll finish that before bed tonight. (This will definitely help me sleep).

Tomorrow I may need to make another trip back to the library--this time with more change in hand for photocopies :). I may go to the local university library this time around because there are a couple of academic books I could take a gander at if I can't find any good journal articles on-line tonight. I'm feeling good about this chapter, finally. It is shaping up to be my strongest thus far (I think) in terms of both research and analysis. I can't WAIT to get this thing off my desk.

Back to work.

Yeah, I'm an Idealist

As seen at Professor Kim's....

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

Feeling Optimistic

I think today is going to be a great day. The weekend was great -- I got some extra unexpected time with Dr. J and although I miss him already, seeing him always makes me feel motivated to work extra hard. I have a lunch date today with a soror and then after our time, I am going down to the public library to take care of that research I've been putting off forever. While I'm there, I hope to also get some of the citations that I'm missing/needing in this chapter.

Today's goal's:
--Finish my research
--Go to library/Pick up my books to read
--Start on Book #1
--Start in on revisions tonight

Everything feels manageable today and that is a wonderful feeling. I am going to work really hard this week so I can truly enjoy the holiday weekend. Oh, at some point I need to finishing Christmas shopping too!

Just Keep Revising

Thursday was a slow but fruitful work day. I worked until 5AM. I know that working such long hours is not always best, but sometimes I need a long day or two to feel accomplished and to get myself working again. I also worked a long time on Thursday (into Friday) so that I could get some good personal time this weekend for Dr. J and for my sorority. The time with both was well spent.

I'm back into writing tonight and was pleased to find some information in an unexpected source for my section that I need to revise on the genre of political autobiographies. I was reviewing this book--Autobiography as Activism: Three Black Women of the Sixties (Margo Perkins)--for possible use in my Spring 07 special topics seminar, but it is not going to work for that class. Fortunately, there is some great work in this book on the political power of autobiographical writing for African American women. It is one of the few works I've seen that looks at autobiography in the Black community from a political standpoint. So I am pulling some information from this text tonight and working polishing the concluding section on this chapter.

My library didn't get the books in I needed to read today so I'm a little setback on my reading schedule. But I have plenty of revisions to keep me busy in the meantime--back to work.

Revising Delays

If nothing else, my work tonight has shown me that I have a LOT of reading to do. I have been wanting to write all day, but the process has been SLOW. I couldn't figure out where to start, what else needed to be done, besides finishing that one section on my figure's early Congressional career. But I knew that finishing one section would not complete the chapter--there was still much revision work to be done.

So I started at the top--sentence one. And have been working my way through the document, using my own eyes and comments that I received on my early seminar drafts of the chapter. The primary area that my professor's comments addressed that I had not yet fulfilled in the paper was dealing with the genre of campaign autobiographies. Between drafts one and two I added some scholarly sources on the campaign autobiography, but really have not found a lot of theoretical work in the area. I think in my earlier readings of my professor's comments, I overlooked the recommendation to theorize rather than look for theories. What I need to do is read a bunch of autobiographies and the theorize about characteristics that are consistent with the genre to show how my subject does or does not deviate from our generic expectations in her work.

This means I have some serious reading to do. Using my professor's recommendations, I need to take a look at five books. I don't have to read them closely, but I do need to get a good feel for the works for comparative purposes. Sigh. This is going to push back my plans somewhat on completely this Chapter by the 21st.

But to keep myself as close to my deadline as possible, I am going through what I have so far with a fine-tooth comb, adding footnotes and using bold font comments to indicate places where I need further citations or additional information. I am doing as much rewriting and language-tweaking as possible. So hopefully, I can get through this entire thing tonight.

After tonight I will have three things to do:
1) Complete the section on the campaign autobiography as a genre.
2) Fill in the empty footnotes and boldface comments.
3) Write a solid conclusion.
It will definitely be feasible to complete #2 and 3 by the 21st, but I'm not so sure about #1....Sigh

Updated 2:04 AM--make that a Double Sigh. I made it through the pages I have written and what I need even more than a solid conclusion is an entire section on political philosophy before the conclusion--I'm talking 5-7 more pages. Sigh Sigh.

Sweet

You Are Mud Pie

You're the perfect combo of flavor and depth Those who like you give into their impulses

What Kind of Pie Are You?

Back on the Grind

Despite the quiet fog I was in yesterday, I got some good work done on my new course syllabus. My cable internet was acting up last night so I couldn't finish what I'd started, nor could I start on what I needed to do on my dissertation. So today is a fresh start. My goal is to finish a section on Chapter Four and to push what I have written towards a final revision on this draft. I probably won't make my goal to send this thing out by the weekend, but if I do what I need to do today, it could definitely go out next week. My advisors are leaving town on the 21st so I want to have it in by then.

Silence

Something took my words away today. Like a smooth pickpocket--I didn't even feel it happen. But for most of the day, I've sat here (and a myriad of other places) in silence. Looking, waiting, wishing that my words would return. But they haven't. At the end of the day, I simply don't know what to say. And the words are not just missing from the piles of papers that should be growing my (pe)degree--today they have been missing from my life.

I always try to recognize silence as a gift. Many choose to grieve the loss of words as something that has not yet been found, but I always try to embrace silence and be still. Today I moved and lived without words. Today I listened and I learned. I read today. I made fudge. I walked. I smiled and I cried.

The beauty of silence and stillness is that it does not have to be paralysis, such as that which strikes the depressed or the grieving or the lonely. There can be much life and productivity--even in the deepest silence. A blade of grass grows in absolute silence--I imagine it barely disturbs the air around it. It grows up quietly, it doesn't rush, it doesn't fuss, it doesn't shout it's disappointment at it's meager accomplishment. But it lives, it continues, it continues to grow in silence Too often I think, we ignore the tremendous potential for growth there is in silence. We shift uncomfortably under its weight as if it might crush us, when in fact, it may rest with us to sooth us or free us or strengthen us. Although the pages of my dissertation didn't move, and no one saw or heard the changes in me today, I know that in my silence today--I grew.

New Publication Plan

I was going to work on sending off one of my previous seminar papers for publication this month, but it is looking like it is going to need a little more work than I previously anticipated. Even though it is one of my best papers, it is outside of my discipline and I need to change the intro and conclusion to account for other recent publications and to make it more relevant to the field (which is not my primary field). So instead, I'm going to get back to work on a co-authored piece I have. It needs lots of work too, but it is in my field and I already have some reviews on it. I think it will be easier to revise since I have directions on what needs to be changed. And my co-author is looking for me to do the bulk of the work before we send it out again, so I might as well do that now before I graduate and am no longer able to use the resources at our institution. Always feels good to have a plan.

Post-Birthday Blues

I had a great birthday weekend, but I'm sad it is over so soon. I needed more time to celebrate. I did something I hadn't done in years--went roller skating. That was too cute. I did some grown up things too and got some great gifts (including my Bluetooth), but I'm just sad its over. Reality is back and the dissertation awaits me. I know I deserve some time off to some extent but it's really crunch time for me. I really want to make the May graduation deadline, which means a March defense--yikes. And I'm a little anxious that I haven't heard anything back from my chairs all week on the last thing I sent them. I have some job related thoughts as to why that is but I hope my thoughts are incorrect. I really gotta hit it this week so I can meet my deadlines for the month. If I can be wrapping up Chapter Five by New Year's I'll feel MUCH better about this whole thing. We'll see. I know I don't have to rush as far as my job goes, but I am feeling the pressure of my internal clock right now...And Dr. John is gone so hence, the post-birthday blues....

Celebration Time!

Ok, the day could have been more productive on the writing end. I didn't write a thing and that sucks. BUT I did do a lot of reading today in my primary texts for this chapter and that felt so good. It gave me a lot of good ideas for avenues to take this chapter to the next level. But enough of that work stuff for the week. It's birthday celebration time. My best friend is taking me to dinner tonight. Dr. John will be here tomorrow and we're doing some joint birthday celebration activities. And then Sunday (my actual birthday) my mother is cooking a big dinner for the family and my good friends.

I know I should be working, and I might even read some more when I get back from dinner tonight. But I am DETERMINED to have a good time this weekend!!

Distracted

That article must have really gotten my teaching-blood flowing. I've had my future classes on the brain all night. Started my new course syllabus--came up with some good themes. I decided that I want to have all my courses for next year mapped out before the summer is over. Yes that's right, it is not enough for me to just focus on the dissertation. I need at least 10 other things to do. But seriously, as soon as the dissertation is done, I want to make sure I'm set for next fall and the following spring. I'd like to have this done before June so I can actually have a summer to relax and not stress about school. I might even get a job at the mall.

Diss word count tonight: 47 (yikes)

No Creativity in Higher Ed?

I read an interesting article today by a student at UNLV who argues that a college education often stifles creativity. Take a look. I do know a lot of professors who spend time regurgitating material, and it seems to be a problem likely to occur in the large lecture big institution courses (just from my experience in a Big School environment). I imagine certain disciplines/fields are more vulnerable to this than others (professional programs such as in this student's business classes). So there could be an assumption that liberal arts classes encourage more creativity, but I think that depends on the professor and the course. I would hope that our class discussion and the types of texts I want to use will spark creative thinking--but that has to be balanced against assignments/tests/quizzes and grading which does tend to promote more standardized (YUCK) learning and memorization. I think.

This piece got me thinking--good--and I want to make sure I'm doing as much as possible in my new courses in the Fall to discourage just rote memorization and promote creativity. So I'm tossing a question to the academeblogosphere--How do you encourage creativity in your classroom???

Slow Night

So the bad news about a new toy--you don't want to work, you want to play. I am STRUGGLING to keep from making this an extended birthday weekend. I'm tempted to be like my undergrads up North and say that the weekend begins on Thursday. But that's just not right!! I sluggishly wrote about400 words tonight and that's all I could muster. I'm going to try to hit the library tomorrow morning to look up some things. We'll see.

It's Here! It's Here!!

Inspired by Russian Violets, I got myself a new phone for my birthday. My old phone was great but they discontinued it a long time ago. I will miss it--but it was time for a serious upgrade. And thanks to my upgrade and online discounts, I got a seriously expensive phone for next to nothing!

Taaa Daaaa (Click here for fancy demo)...


I could have gotta a Palm or a Blackberry, but I don't need anything else in my life to connect me to work--birthday toys should be fun and this is definitely a FUN toy!! Next stop--Bluetooth....

Decent Workday

It wasn't outstanding, but I got my pages done. The quality of the writing could have been better today, BUT writing is writing at this point. I did have some fun looking through old New York Times articles. I had a few Dave Chappelle--"Man that was racist"--moments, but hey those were the Times. The times where you could be publicly racist and it was cool. Those days are definitely on the return--I miss the late 80s/early 90s when folks were trying to learn to be sensitive to their own racisms (pre-"PC"). I always chuckle when I see that Cosby Show episode where Denise was teaching Olivia -- don't say Black but African-American, don't say White but Caucasian. Poor Olivia couldn't even pronounce the words--but that was the in thing then. But that's another post, I'm rambling--going to bed early.

It's Sinking In

The official job offer paperwork is here. A draft of my new department's teaching schedule just arrived today. It's starting to sink in that come August, I will be a professor. I'm doing my best not to think about my new classes too much--that could be a GREAT way to procrastinate on the dissertation. (And I will take a pretty significant pay cut if I don't finish the dissertation by August so let's keep our eyes on the ball!)

But I am really excited about my new classes. My chair and I were on the same wavelength regarding my course preferences for the fall. I'm teaching two undergraduate classes--one is my old standby that I've done a million times and the other will be a new course in a very traditional area of our field. My chair is sending me some review copies of books I might use for my standby course (one of which I always wanted to use at my previous institution but wasn't allowed to!). I doubt I will have a textbook for the new course--I'll be teaching a series of speeches and it is hard to find one book that has them all. So I think instructors for this course typically use a combination of electronic sources to get the job done.

I'm excited about designing my first new course. I'm telling myself that I won't think about it until at least January because I know how much energy I put into those sample syllabi for my teaching portfolio--too bad I didn't make one for this class though. But what is REALLY exciting me is the course size. I found out today the caps on my sections--15 and 25. That is just beautiful to me. I've never taught classes this small during the year, I think I had one or two summer sections this small and that's it. I'm going to have to do some major tinkering in my standby syllabus to account for the reduced class size--I'm used to cramming a lot more into a little space, but know I can take lots of time and do more in-depth work!! This is going to be such a refreshing change and hopefully a fun start to being a professor.

Get It Done

Just. Get. It. Done.

Hit my dissertation writing goal for the night. I wrote 3 new pages on the subject of Chapter Four and did some good reorganization/revising work on the draft. I created a space for a brand new section--I'm not sure how much time I'm going to need on it, but I do know that it will require me to read a book. Sigh. Required reading is a good thing though, I haven't read enough at all lately. But I'm done for the night; now I can have some dessert.

Birthday Wishes

Today I have to wish a very Happy Birthday to Dr. John--a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful man I am so blessed to know. I hope you have a BEAUTIFUL day and I can't wait to see you soon.

Also a very Happy Founder's Day to the men of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. Congratulations on reaching 99 years of service to the community.

Clean Up Day

Saturdays--good for laundry, cleaning, and organization, oh and Christmas tree decoration. It was one of those Saturdays for me.

I hadn't anticipated finishing that chapter yesterday so today was a regrouping and goal setting day. I spent some time looking over the draft I have so far for Chapter Four. It needs at least 20 more pages of analysis and a LOT of rewriting--especially since I am adding an additional text to the analysis. So if I work on 2 new pages and 1 page of revising a day, I should be in good shape to get this next chapter out to the advisors before they go away for break. I did a good bit of work today updating my references and looking for new sources. I definitely need to make a library trip this week to check out that reference book I used before. I need some more references/news reports from the 70s on my subject.

Also, now that I have my life freed from the job search, I want to get back to my publication goals. I have a great paper from an English seminar that I would love to get published. It's not exactly in my area but I think it was one of the best pieces I wrote during graduate school. I wrote it in 2003 so I spent some time today researching the novel to see what had been written on it lately. Two pieces have come out since I wrote my seminar paper, one of which begins to touch on some of the issues of genre I discuss in my paper. But I think I can incorporate that and use it as a perspective to "continue the conversation" on this particular text. Perhaps the editors will disagree, but I won't know until I send it out, right? So I'm going to read the two new articles in more detail tonight before I go to bed, figure out how to incorporate them, and then start the work of revising this piece to send out by the New Year.

Other than that, today has been a good day to relax and watch football. I was glad to see Georgia win the SEC title. But I'm a little disappointed by the USC/Texas hype--I'm not sure if either of those teams would be so great if they were in stronger conferences. Now don't get me wrong, Reggie Bush is PHENOMENAL but I mean really--should you win CHAMPIONSHIP games with 60+ point margins? Just sayin--doesn't seem right....Off to watch Florida State finish off Virginia Tech and read these articles before bed.

Sending This Bad Boy Off--TONIGHT!

Man I got some Great work done today. I didn't stick to my goal of writing two new pages, BUT, I revised the entire Third Chapter (which is Chapter Six). It reads a lot better to me, but I know the analysis could use some more teeth. To me, it has definitely reached the--I need some feedback--stage. I can't look at it anymore, but at least it is as clean as it is going to get. It feels good to be getting something off my desk again. This means that starting tomorrow I can dig fully into Chapter Four. My goal is to get that one off my desk by Christmas, take a week off for the holidays, and then devote January Chapters Five and Seven. Ok, I'm getting ahead of myself again. One more spellcheck and I'm sending this bad boy off TONIGHT!!

Small Steps--Good...

I conquered the fear of PDSS (Post Dissertation Separation Syndrome), and after coming back from job search mania to the diss, I feel good about what I accomplished tonight. My goal was small, and will stay small for the next few days as I get back into the groove. I am reminded through this process of reacclimation tonight that writing is work. Darn it.

Thursday's end product--10 pages of revisions and two new pages. That will be my goal for Friday as well. The chapter I'm revising is 30something pages, so if I stick to this goals for a couple days, I can send Third Chapter back to my chairs by Monday. (Don't ask me why I started revising with Third Chapter instead of Chapter One or Two). I'm sure they will love to see something from me!! So glad the work is getting done again--yeah!!

New Look

Something a little brighter--do u dig it?

My So Called (ABD) Life

There is a new design for the blog in the works (nothing too flashy because I'm still learning CSS), but the name is the same. Job in hand and all, I am still ABD--can't lose sight of that point (especially since a significant portion of my new salary depends on my PhD). So this is still my so-called ABD life. And today is the first of the month; time to get back on the dissertation grind.

Today, I'm back in full-time dissertation mode. It's been a little while since I've written anything new so my goals for today are to:

1) Write at least TWO new pages on any chapter in the diss.
2) Get back to those revisions of Chapters 1-3.

In the words of Jay-Z--I'm not a businessman, I'm a BUSINESS, MAN--so let me handle my business damn...

Professor Mon (More Job Hunting Advice)

I have a job. I have a job. I have a job. I have a job.

No matter how I say it to myself or how many times I say it, it doesn't quite seem real yet that I have a job. My new chair called me Professor Mon today and it just sounds too good to be true. I have a job.

This has been a crazy first job search, but now that it's over I can say that it worked out great. The very first school I applied to gave me my first interview and my first offer. And today I happily accepted. Everything about this position was earlier than what is normally done in my field, and I knew that if I was a top candidate for job, there was a chance that I would receive an offer before other positions in my field even started interviewing. But I applied knowing all of this because it was really an ideal situation for me coming from an R1 that was far from home. I knew I wanted a good professional experience, a serious change of scenery, and a place where I felt welcomed culturally and socially. Throughout my whole job search, my biggest problem has not been about finding places I liked, but about figuring out what type of institution I really wanted. I applied to just about every type and I'm not sure that was the best thing for me to do.

Job Hunting Tip #1: Figure out what you want ASAP, preferably before you go on the market. One of my mentors told me that I could have any job that I wanted and she was right, but I took a while to figure out what it was that I wanted. She told me to figure this out before I went on the market, but the market season came up so fast I thought the answer would "come to me" as I applied. That's a bad way to go about a search. My confusion created some unnecessary noise once I started receiving invitations to apply to some top R1 schools and early interviews. I started to go with the places that wanted me rather than with what I wanted. I was influenced by what other people wanted or thought best for me rather than what I wanted--bad idea.

Job Hunting Tip #2: Know Yourself.
I went into graduate school for one reason. My undergraduate experience. I loved my professors, loved the liberal arts environment, and I wanted to get my PhD so I could return to that kind of place in the future. More than anything else, that drove the decision I made today and I'm glad that was a deciding factor.

Job Hunting Tip #3: Remember This is a Beginning.
Throughout the dissertation process, I've heard folks say--"remember that this is not your magnum opus"--"it is just a start to your professional career"--"you don't have to try to do everything now." I think that the dissertation and a first job have strong parallels. What you do with both has to do with your own personal goals. For those who have goals to be the next big name in the field, what they do with their dissertation and where they take their first job is of the upmost importance. I've never had the goal of being the next big academic. I want a space to write and a life of teaching--so I chose a job that will give me those things at a place where I can BEGIN my professional career. I think first jobs, like dissertations, are the source of angst if they are viewed as the "well this is it" point in one's life in the academy. Both are important starting points but neither has to be the determining factor in the rest of one's career. As my mentor says--if you are excellent in what you do, you can have the things that you want.

So it's pretty close to official, I'll be a professor beginning in fall 2006 and I'm excited about this new beginning in my career. This gives me a great new deadline for my dissertation work--it takes some of the old pressure off and puts a new, I think more positive, pressure on. Before I wanted to be done primarily so I could leave my graduate school life behind--that motivation is still there, but now I want to be done so I can start my new life with a clean slate.

New Look Needed for New Attitude

My time away from the blog + Big changes in my professional and personal life +
New attitude towards the dissertation = Contemplation about a new design for the blog.

I'm thinking about it--but apparently the blue should stay:

Your Blog Should Be Blue

Your blog is a peaceful, calming force in the blogosphere. You tend to avoid conflict - you're more likely to share than rant. From your social causes to cute pet photos, your life is a (mostly) open book.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

Updates and regular dissertation writing and blogging to resume by December 1st!!

Job Hunting Advice

I have been collecting advice on a wide variety of areas from a wide variety of scholars in the job hunt--here are a few nuggets--

Negotiating 101

• Start with your base salary. Your base salary will determine a great deal about how "high" you can climb in the future. Many opportunities, like summer teaching, are determined by a percentage of your base salary. Consider your market value to the department and the institution and argue from there. Know what you are bringing to the table and how you will contribute. Try to get $$ added on to your base salary first before negotiating one-time $$ offers. Talk about future increases based on merit and cost-of-living.
  
• Make sure you have adequate start-up money for your office/lab. Computers and space should also be a part of this conversation.
• If you can't get more $$ added to your base salary work to secure other funding opportunities--summer research stipends/grants, conference travel funds, library budget, lab maintenance/upgrade funds, etc.
• Find a teaching load agreement that is comfortable for you. If your position covers other duties (administration, heavy service/advisement, curriculum development) talk about having your teaching time reassigned to account for those duties. It may also be useful for you to secure a cap on the number of students in your courses.
• Remember: "An institution that really wants you bad will work hard to protect you when you get there."

Before Accepting an Offer
Take your time. This is an important decision. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE VALUE OF A GOOD QUALITY OF LIFE. While some scholars may look down on a decision influenced by location or weather or surrounding culture, if these things are important to you, do not allow others to devalue their importance. Being in an environment where you are happy and comfortable will make you a more productive scholar/teacher.

Also consider how this institution might fit into your future career goals. Will this be a good starting point for where you want to go later?

Make sure you ask LOTS of questions. Does the university have a good insurance plan? Are there possibilities for spousal hires? What is the departmental/institution attitude towards family-planning? Will the service obligations be a burden in your first few years in this new position. Find out EVERYTHING you need to know.

On Taking a Position Your Committee Might Not Like
"You must really work hard to detach yourself from the opinions of others. It is easier to develop a habit of mind to do this now rather than later. If you don't, you will self-destruct."

On Job Market Advice
Listen to what everyone has to say, and then don't. Follow your heart and make what you think is the best decision for you. Remember that "the only way to navigate academe is to be so excellent that everyone leaves you alone."

That's all for now--more as I continue to collect advice.

Wow, What's Next?!

It has been a crazy few weeks. I'm unpacking only to repack again. I miss writing. My dissertation is calling me and I was glad to get a few moments of writing in here and there at the airport; but, I am in need of some serious writing time soon. Won't be today.

I had a great visit and a great conference. I got exactly what I went to the conference to get as well as a few other invitations to visit campuses. I know I'm very blessed and I'm excited about next year already. Now the next phase for me is tricky--negotiations--and checking out comparable opportunities.

Just a quick update--regular dissertation blogging to return soon (I hope). Happy Thanksgiving Holidays!

Going WELL

That's about all I can say. Best possible scenario!

Packing Up

Ok, now comes the fun part--packing up for the rest of the month. Fancy-Smanchy University Affair to pack for. Campus Visit to pack for. National Conference to pack for. Oh, and then there's Thanksgiving. Fun Fun Fun. I'll have about 40 hours combined in there somewhere between these trips to do some possible unpacking/repacking but I want to keep this as organized a venture as possible.

I will be on a serious blogging hiatus for the next few weeks as I try to get a JOB.

PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE

The Talk is done. The teaching gig is organized. Just practicing away. But to keep things interesting--I'm catching a cold. Of course. Just when I need to talk, I can't breathe.

But the show must go on. Lots of early bedtimes for me for the rest of the week.

Before I enter some medicated sleep tonight, I need to print out all my conference papers as well so I can start practicing those. I figure I'll look at them mostly in the hotel while I'm on campus and in the airports--they'll be my spare minute readings until I get through this visit.

So much fun being an academic--really it is.

Keeping the PowerPoint

I decided to fix up my notes into a real PowerPoint. Thanks abd me for the confirmation. I have some compelling pictures that I'm analyzing in my dissertation, so I'll share those with the audience. The other slides just have very short points (1-3 words) that summarize my overall project and research agenda. I think it looks pretty good. But I had one of those, this-is-why- sometimes-you-need-to-be-on-campus moments today; I need to actually see how the pictures show up on a projector (are they big enough, bright enough, etc.). Fortunately, Dr. John is going to get me into a classroom on his campus so I can see it. (Dr. John saves the day again!)

Everything is coming together and I'm feeling comfortable with the presentation more and more. The teaching time will be fine--I get to speak with some smart students about one of my favorite historical figures. I'm looking forward to that. I have a few more days to prepare, actually I have longer than that before the actual visit, but I have to run out of town for a bit before I go to campus, so I want to get everything down by, oh, tomorrow. Come Wednesday, I'm going to be packing up basically for the rest of the month! I guess I should try to get a little more dissertation work done before I go too huh.

Research Talk--PowerPoint or Handout??

Or neither?? Sigh. I did something that I never do. I made a PowerPoint of a my presentation to help me get my ideas on paper. I used blank slides to show some pictures I was planning to talk about during the presentation, and white slides to jot down some notes for myself. I never actually planned on doing a full blown PowerPoint. This was just all a part of my inventional process to get thinking on this thing, and to help me nail down my talk so I don't have to carry notes. I RARELY speak from extended notes, maybe some quoted material but that's usually it--presentation outlines stay in my head after a couple days of practice.

Anyways, tonight when I opened the file, I realized that it actually looks like a PowerPoint. Now generally, when I teach students about visual aids, I try to encourage them to keep aids as VISUAL as possible. I think PowerPoint works best when most of the material is not plain text. Well, I'm in the humanities so I don't have any snazzy stats to turn into a graph or a nice machine to diagram. So I would be violating my own rule in a lot of ways to give this presentation. BUT, it's a long talk, and let's face it, it's easier for an audience to get through a talk when they have something to look at. So I'm torn. Should I give a PowerPoint "supported" presentation? Or would that just go against all my instincts as a classically trained humanities scholar??

I think I've ruled out a handout. I hate when my students do handouts and they always get thrown away. So why go through the motions of wasting paper. And then there is always the--well how many do I need--question. No handout.

PowerPoint is still a maybe.

Homework Day

A productive day of "getting my homework done." I was given more information today on upcoming Important Visit--particularly details about my teaching presentation. I now know what class I'm teaching in, have a better idea of what the students know, and where I'm coming into the mix. So I have a couple ideas in mind--just need to pick one--by say, tomorrow. I've also spent a lot of today researching the department and the faculty on a more in-depth level. Ran across a couple of published pieces that got me thinking about my dissertation so I followed those rabbit trails--came up with a few more articles that could support the diss. But overall it's been good so far just to read over pieces from different aspects of my field, and I'm learning a lot about my field in general by reading the works of this group. Kudos to teacher-scholars. The last major item on the agenda was that I came up with a pretty hefty list of questions that I want to be sure to ask during my visit--this visit is very much about information seeking for me, so I want to be sure all my questions get answered. I'm feeling very neutral about the whole process--I think its going to take a few more days for nerves and adrenaline to kick in. Maybe after I nail down this talk this weekend. We'll see.

More Revisions--Job Talk

I'm just revising away this week. I got through Advisor #1's changes last night. It's going to take a few more days to tackle the requests of Advisor #2, who is on this citation rampage with my work. She was kind enough to indicate that she may have gone overboard about wanting citations and that I could ignore some of her requests. Whew. But I haven't been in the scholarly literature of my diss for a while so it will be good to work in the trenches for a few days.

In the meantime, I'm awaiting more news from Campus Visit School to find out what topic I should be teaching on for my presentation. And I'm thinking that I'm going to spend the weekend working on my job talk. I have a rough idea of what I want to do in my mind, but I need to discuss it more with Advisor #2 who is the job search guru. The school wants to hear about completed research, dissertation update, and future research, so I'm thinking about a past-present-future approach. Something like that. I'm anxious to get to work on it so I may start today...

Research Award!!

I am feeling so blessed this evening. Just when I needed it most, I received an email letting me know that I've received a Top Student Paper Award for one of the papers I'm presenting at this month's Major Conference. I've never received an award at this conference so I am just THRILLED. What a wonderful way to start the month!! Since you all keep insisting that I need to celebrate, I think I will!!

One More Out My System

Ok, this application thing has to stop. I just sent out one more. I think having all these deadlines over my head has been extremely distracting to my writing (although I did do some revising tonight also--felt good). Part of me is pushing to complete them so I can get back to my normal so called life.

So I sent out the one postdoc that was due in November. It was an eletronic submission, so barring the "I wonder if they'll get it"-cyber-anxiety, it felt good to get that off my desk. I've decided to jettison the next two postdocs that are due, neither of which are located anywhere I'm really prepared to live (even for just a year). Taking those two out of the mix means that (in theory), I don't have to even think about a postdoc application until mid-December. That clears out November for me to get ready for my first campus visit, pull together this dissertation stuff, and get geared for the national conference. Those three things are more than enough to keep me occupied this month.

So one more out--one more opportunity to be not as broke as I am right now. Exciting stuff.
The waiting continues.

All Gone!

The assistant professor applications are officially complete. I put the remaining applications in the mail this morning and I am D O N E with that part of my job search. Feels good to have that out of my hands for a little while. Now the wait begins. Sigh.

On to revisions
....the job talk
....the teaching presentation
....oh yeah and Fourth Chapter.

Sleepy Sunday

Today was truly a day of rest. No regrets about the good sleep--just positive plans for the week to come. Two major things to tackle--revisions on the diss and working on my presentations for my upcoming campus visit.

Until Monday--more rest.

Done with Job Hunt--Phase I

Well almost. I've finished all five of my letters. But I just realized one of the positions is for a non-tenure track job so I'm pulling that one. I must have completely read over that in the ad. Sigh. Monday will be the official end to the first half of my job "hunt" when I put these applications in the mail! Total number of asst. prof. positions applied for to date: 10.

Shortly, but not today and probably not this week, Phase II of the process will begin with the hunt for a postdoc. Given the increasing number of job ads I've applied for, I'm thinking that I will cut the number of postdocs down to the ones I REALLY want/can't pass on. Anticipated postdoc applications: 5 or 6 (I'm still debating one)

Got some good work done today--I'm pleased about that. But unfortunately my allergies have been acting up all day and I had to take some medicine. I'm incredibly groggy now--I'll have to start in on dissertation revisions tomorrow.

Revising Day

In the spirit of this morning's quiz, today is all about revisions. My last five cover letters for assistant professor positions are now drafted and in need of polishing. At least four are pretty close to completion and just need proofing. The fifth one still needs a little work. Hopefully the whole endeavor won't take more than two hours.

Rest of the day--dissertation revisions. I am going to spend all day and probably all tomorrow evening revising Chapters One through Three. My advisors sent me some good comments so I am hoping to get myself back in dissertation mode by going through them. I'm praying that this will be good momentum to get me into Fourth Chapter on Monday.

How Did They Know??

Ok, the picture is ALL wrong, but,


You are a Revisionist Historian. You are the Clark
Kent of postmodernists. You probably want to
work in a library or in social services. No
one suspects you of being a postmodernist...
until they read your publications!

What kind of postmodernist are you!?
brought to you by Quizilla
(seen it on dr. b's spot)

This one is just too true. Now how the questions and my answers added up to this, I'm not smart enough to know. But I did go into academe because of my first seminar in history of public address as an undergraduate. The class focused on histories and historiography and it was the first space in which I was able to research a question I'd had all my life up to that point--where are the Black women in "history"?? I've been writing histories ever since. Pretty neat quiz....

Good Week

Personally, mentally, professionally, this has been a good week. My trip to the mountains was EXCELLENT. Just getting settled back in--little tired--but feeling very invigorated to get some work done.

I'm finally feeling like I'm getting a handle on this job search--I don't feel stressed about it anymore and I'm getting in gear for my first campus visit. I'm going to get a few more applications ready over the weekend to go out on Monday (I'm thinking at least four more). And most importantly, this weekend I will get back into the groove of the most important thing I should be doing right now, my dissertation. I need to spend some serious time on my revisions. My advisor put some things in the mail to me so I need to handle that ASAP. Then I can get back to Fourth Chapter. I'm behind on it, but as long as I can get that tackled before National Conference in November, I'll feel okay.

Time to focus.

On Location

Applications-Applications-Applications. I've been focusing probably a little more than I would like to on my applications; I've sent four out this week and I'm feeling very good about that. Four more to go this week, and then I'll be starting to switch gears to work on my postdoc applications.

Sigh.

I'm writing on location--taking a little break this week in the mountains. It's cold outside, but I'm staying warm and enjoying this time to myself....More writing when I get back to the South.

Working Weekend

Well, Wilma rained on my plans to be in Florida tomorrow. I was looking forward to a week of writing in the Florida sun. But I've found a much more appealing Plan B for travel so I'm still going to get out of the house and write on location for a few days. And yes, it's top secret--I don't want anybody botherin me.

This weekend is another fun-filled writing weekend. Goals are simple:
--Finish reading those autobiographies!!
--Finish research cover letters to send out applications on Monday morning!
--Create interdisciplinary letter so it can go out by Friday!
--Start Chapter 1-3 revisions.
--Pack for the roadtrip.

Pretty straightforward weekend. Let's see how much I can get done!

Being Scholarly/Being Me

It's a difficult thing, I think, to be a young academic. I'm still enjoying life in the "real world" and I find it demanding sometimes to live up to the expectations of being "scholarly." So generally speaking, I don't--I'm just me. Sometimes silly, sometimes cool, sometimes poetic, always still me. Fortunately, I'm a nerd so it's not too hard to be scholarly sometimes too.

But lately, I've needed an extra push to be scholarly. Today's push came from Dr. John, a generous soul and my kindred academic spirit. He asked me to look over some work he has in progress for a pub., and I found myself quite engaged in his writing. Completely different field, completely different style (manual) and approach, but absolutely riveting. And arguably, Dr. J's work has a lot more real world application than my own, and I'm always inspired by scholarship that does something. Editing was a good scholarly activity and gave me a good filter through which to internalize the advice I was giving out as well as the advice I've been getting lately. So I've been building on this scholarly momentum, courtesy of Dr. John's very exciting and forthcoming article, and I'm back to the grind of my cover letters. I'm still perfecting the research letter. My advisors near and far have weighed in, and again comes the tension--to be scholarly while still being me.

I am admittedly a storyteller, especially when I write. My undergraduate advisor once described my writing style as paratactical (or some similar Greek word I cannot define or spell with any confidence), and told me that my writing tended to pull my reader from the beginning of the story to the end. Not necessarily linear, but more circular in nature (even though a circle is a line too). She warned me that some scholars would be suspicious of the seductive nature of my writing, and that the dominant (patriarchal!) desire for a more linear style might lead to some future criticisms and rejections. And this is true, people generally love the way I write, but often there is a curmudgeon who won't flow with me. So whenever I write for "scholarly" outlets, I always find myself checking to make sure I am writing in my own voice, and I'm always resisting in some way the push to change. Usually this process occurs quietly in my brain, but today the battle has been noisy.

Most of the scholars I invited to critique my most recent letter gave me the same advice. Express your ideas with more confidence, reduce the touchy-feeling language, clean up the grammar, etc. But one categorically eliminated the story-telling nature of my letter. This reviewer completely cut out my voice, and recommended that I subscribe to a more conventional form of letter-writing which boiled down to introduction, dissertation paragraph, additional scholarship/pubs., teaching, conclusion. I read, re-read, and I'm still reading the comments. This is a person whom I admire GREATLY, and who has supported me from Jump. So there has been a very vocal discussion in my brain all day--do I go the scholarly route or do I work to keep what is mine?? On a previous letter, this reviewer had said that my "anecdotes were colorful, but the letter was too long." Here again, the push is to cut, compress, and conform. And I'm resisting.

At the end of the day, I've decided to keep my letter as is. For better or worse, the writing style in my letter is a very strong representation of my scholarship. It's clear. It's colorful. It's personal. It's powerful. It's me.

Wilma

The women of the storm season have been serious. Wilma has shut down my plans to go to Florida this week coming up. I'm sad, but I'm safe, so not complainin. Just gotta come up with some alternate plans--I was looking forward to going mobile with the diss. Some impressive pictures of Wilma here.

I'm Still Smart

Early morning reminder of my intelligence (or lack thereof).

I'm not a morning person--I rarely do any writing in the morning because of it. Actually I rarely do much of anything in the morning besides roll over. Most people who know me know that I say good morning around 12 noon. But seeing that my hair was becoming quite unruly, I gathered all my energy to get my hair managed this morning. 8:30 in the AM. Gracious. The last time I got up for an 8:30 appt. on any regular basis was for Freshman Biology--and even that was a tag-team effort. (Story for another day). But my motivation to get up this early was high for a number of reasons. 1) My regular stylist, who is really the only man on earth I trust with my hair, is not working this week, therefore 2) I wanted to get up extra early to check out this new place my mom recommended to me, so 3) Since it is a Black hair salon, I wanted to get in before the normal rush to make sure the stylist had plenty of time and could concentrate on my hair. Nothing worse than an hair accident during rush hour--you're mad, you're annoyed, and you're stuck in your seat for another two or three hours at least.

So I walk into this really cute shop--I must say it's one of the nicest hair salons I've been in down here with mostly reasonable prices. As soon as I walk in and introduce myself, the stylist recognizes me--"you're Mon #1's daughter, aren't you." So we go through the Southern song and dance--"yes ma'am"--"you look just like her"--"yes ma'am"--"I haven't seen you in years, you are still so tiny"--"yes ma'am." But this stylist added a new hook to the song--"I hear you are still smart." (Record screeches to a halt in the background). Still smart?

Why is it that whenever you add the word "still" to something, the statement becomes a pseudo-question. You still short. You still pretty. You still look good. You still fat. You still married. You still at that job. I remember the first time I heard an older woman say to a friend of mine, "Girl, you still got them big 'ol hips I see." 1) Where were they supposed to go and 2) She lives with them every day so I'm sure she didn't need you to point them out. So apparently, I'm still smart. And for the record, I'm still Black, I'm still tiny, I'm still broke, and I'm still standing. And I'm ok with that.

**Oh and my hair. Going early was great--I was in and out in a little over an hour which is an hour less than normal. The end result looks good--but the technique was not great--I'm used to getting my hair whacked off, but I don't usually feel the whacking part....**

Going on the Market, Con Accent

Today I had a good talk with one of my dissertation advisors about my diss and about my job prospects. She and I mostly converse via email, so it was nice to connect via phone again. And the first thing she says to me--"I love the accent." It's been at least 10 years since I've been told I have an accent and apparently, "it's cute." I knew that being home was rubbing off on me, my rate of speech is faster and the tone of my voice is higher at times--but I hadn't thought about the accent part. I'm cool with it now and in many ways it was a nice compliment. When I was younger, I took pride in the fact that everyone told me I didn't sound like a Southerner--I hated being from the South as a kid. But the longer I was away from home for my degrees, the more I missed the South and the more I identified with being a Southerner. Now the Southeast feels like home, and for the first time, I'm ready to embrace an important marker of being home--the good ol' Southern accent.

BUT

I had not thought about being on the market with an accent--especially a "cute" one. As if I didn't have enough markers of difference already. As I mentioned previously in Becoming a Professor, there are quite a few issues that prospective faculty of color must consider. Now consider the various perceptions, misconceptions, and potential exoticism of a (cute) Southern accent. Granted, this issue could never be as severe as the challenges faced by non-native English speakers. But the compliment I received today is a good conversation starter for thinking about social roles and stereotypes. I wonder if this is still an issue in today's society. The issues of accent/voice relates to my post from yesterday on women in leadership. Studies of women politicians and women in corporate leadership have shown that women with high, "cute" voices are not taken as seriously as women with more low tones in their voice. Do you notice that sports networks rarely hire women with higher voices as anchors--if you're a woman with a high voice you are (literally) on the sidelines. But anyways, it strikes me that theremight still be some residual stereotype that someone who sounds too "cute" is therefore not intellectual. Have we, as contemporary forward-thinking academics, transcended that?? I wonder.

What's a Girl Gotta Do

Ok, too much dissertation on the brain. Yes I study women in leadership so I'm biased, but I'm disturbed that there are virtually no women in this "famous leader" quiz. Of course, when I took the quiz they said I was the woman so I looked to see what other options there were. No other women. Very disappointing but leads to some important questions for me...

What does a woman have to do to be considered a "leader"? If this quiz defined it--apparently you have to practically be a saint. Who are the women we most commonly associate with leadership? What do they have in common?

Obviously, these quiz is not serious and the images invoked are iconic. But maybe my real question is--why aren't more women iconic images of leaders? I mean for me, I would think that Harriett Tubman for example would be a great icon of leadership. Leadership in the face of adversity--leadership for the cause of freedom--hallmarks of iconic leadership right?? Why is it that we still have a such hard time seeing women in the public role? I mean look at all the flack Hillary and Condoleezza get compared to their male counterparts-and they do even have to "do" anything--just existing seems to be enough to send someone on a talking heads rampage. The days in which women could not speak in public have long passed in most of the world, but still here in the US there is still a resistance to see women as leaders. Why???

Getting Back on Track

Getting a campus invite has really stunted my progress on other things. But finally, I got a little wind tonight to plow away on these cover letters. So far I have the major research school letter done--on to the interdisciplinary one.

My Tip of the Week: Being on the market while writing a diss is no fun. Back to work.

Going to Campus

It's (almost) official. I'm going to my first campus. Fresh on the market and I'm going to a campus. I'm stunned to say the least. I've been trying to focus on writing for the past couple days, but my mind is racing. Gotta work up a research presentation and a teaching demo. Gotta find out what I need. Gotta open up some days in my schedule. Gotta go shopping. Gotta breathe.

I have to get some writing done this week. I am completely out of my rhythm right now and it is annoying me. Fourth Chapter is calling. I'm carrying around the autobiographies I need to read and I often open the pages--but reading hasn't been happening a lot lately. I have a lot of family stuff going on right now that is not helping me to focus, but I MUST get it together this week. Gotta breathe.

Needs Meme

I should be in bed. So why not do my first meme. As seen on CultureCat--Do a Google search for "[Your first name] needs":

Mon needs little introduction.
Mon needs her family and her friends.
Mon needs to do something with that hair. (quite true)
Mon needs to cut her hair. (i get it!)
Mon needs to lose 10 kgs. (i'd disappear)
Mon needs an urban tattoo. (ummmm, no)
Mon needs to rest again. (can it wait until after the PhD)
Mon needs a meal. (who you tellin)
Mon needs a cook. (even better)
Mon needs prayer. (always)
Mon needs a job. (sigh)
Mon needs to do what's in her best interests. (Amen!)
Mon needs to shine. (perfect)

Mon NEEDS to go to sleep.

Frankie Works, I Don't

Tonight I'm thinking about people who do real work. Even though I'm up at 2:00AM writing on my dissertation, I've been told that this is not real work--well more accurately, this is not a real job. After much internal debate, I've decided to defer to my good friend Frankie who has a real job. Several of them as a matter of fact. Actually, at one point recently, Frankie had four jobs--two full-time jobs and two part-time jobs. How is that possible? Even she hasn't figured that out yet--she's still recovering from the intermittent periods of falling asleep--fully dressed--kneeled by the couch--with all the lights in her place, on.

Back to the point. Frankie is a young, vibrant, single woman. She's not raising any Bebe's kids--she's not taking money from one credit card to pay another--she's not spending excessive amounts of cash on men, booze, or drugs. She's just regular people with regular bills. And the reality is that regular people have to go to work everyday (and sometimes more than once a day). Frankie is a young professional with a new(ish) car and aspirations of returning back to graduate school so she can go into Higher Ed administration. Good for you Frankie. In the meantime, she holds down several (not sure how many she has at the moment) important jobs--helping real people with real issues. And no, I'm not being sarcastic--you just knew I was about to say she works at McDonalds right. No, I really mean it, Frankie helps people. Abuse, mental illness, physical and emotional handicaps, Frankie has seen it all. That my friends is real work. That is a real job. Frankie is a beautiful person for going back to her job every day. Some people couldn't do it. I wish she could see the strength that she has inside her--I see it--it's real, she's real, her work is real. Let's have a reality show that follows Frankie around. Now that's some reality instead of some kids having $400,000+ Super Sweet Sixteen Parties--because that ish AIN'T real.

And on another note--Hollywood and Reality TV ain't got NOTHING on Frankie's parents. They recently celebrated their 44th wedding anniversary. 44 years of real marriage and real beautiful Black love at that. Now that too, is real work.

So after years of fighting, tonight after much consideration, I concede. Frankie, you are right. I do not have a real job and I do not do real work.

(So quit your gloatin, and get back to work--cuz I know you on somebody's clock right now. Love you soror!)

Commemorative Stamp for Hattie McDaniel

In early 2006, the USPS Black Heritage Series will issue a new stamp in the honor of Hattie McDaniel, the first African American to win an Academy Award. I'm happy to learn that Sigma Gamma Rho will be a part of the work to honor our distinguished soror, and I wish I could be in Chicago for the unveiling event this weekend. (The man in all the movies, Terrence Howard, is scheduled to be a part of the unveiling). Kudos to Sigma's International Grand Basileus, Dr. Mynora J. Bryant, my dear International First Grand Anti-Basileus, Joann Loveless, Soror Frances Frazier, and everyone in this important tribute.

I recently read that there is a new scholarly monograph out on Hattie McDaniel, and that the author has been working to recover Soror McDaniel's missing Academy Award. I will have to check out that book for my next "fun" reading project. I would love to use something on McDaniel for a future course...

Back on the Blog

For whatever reason, I needed a break from the blog. Things are well here. Third Chapter is DONE. I'm proofreading it today and I'll send it out later. I finished up my "real" website, and although I want to make some changes to the design, I'm not going to mess with it anymore for a while.

I think my hiatus from the blog has been largely to keep myself from going on and on about recent developments in my professional life. I've received some excellent feedback on my first application, and I'm being moved along in the job search process. I am going to respect the process and not go on about it here. But I'm happy to be getting a bite even though I'm a young ABD'r. I think this speaks well for the future. We'll see what happens. (Thanks for all the encouraging notes on my applications!)

In the meantime--I'm proofreading today. Shoulda done it this weekend but I was tending to the professional stuff. Starting on Fourth Chapter tomorrow. I have a draft started (about 20+ pages), but I need to go back and read the two texts that the chapter centers on. The focus of this chapter is on two autobiographies written by an African American woman politician. I haven't read them in a while so that will get me started back.

Still need to work on my dissertation abstract and get cranking on my next round of cover letters. I have 3 applications due at the end of the month--more cover letter fun!! YEAH!!

Two Applications OUT!!

It's rainy, it's cloudy, some tropical storm type weather here. But I am having a sunny day. My teaching portfolio is bound and looking nice (simple, clean, professional if you ask me). And more importantly, my first two job applications are in the mail. For the next 6 positions or so, I only need to write cover letters. I made copies of all the additional teaching materials I need and I have my transcripts, so all I have to do between now and November is write some more letters. Fun. Then I'll start writing research statements/plans for my postdocs. More fun.

But no raining on my parade. I'm happy to have those two things off my list. The good people at USPS promise delivery of my applications by Friday so I am happily ahead of the deadline. Yeah me. Back to work on Third Chapter now...

Well You Betta Work Hard

Finally, that teaching portfolio is done and going off to the presses. My writing sample is all picked out, printed out, and ready to go. In the morning, I'll make a trip to a printer and see quickly I can get this portfolio put together. If I can get it done tomorrow, my first two applications will be in the mail tomorrow. Tomorrow is a D-Day (Deadline Day) -- Third Chapter is going out the door too....

I'm feeling so good right now, I thought I'd take a time out for a little story about the hard work of being an academic for those in the listening audience...

My mother, God Bless Her Nonacademic Soul, looked over my portfolio materials this evening. I had charts and graphs for my teaching evaluation data and piles and piles of paper. Now perhaps it is because my mother knows that I work in words and not in numbers that she put on airs of being impressed.

"You did all this?" she asks, looking at me sideways with skepticism.

"Yes, mother, I told you I've been really working on this portfolio," I reply, feigning to be hurt by her disbelief.

She pauses, flips some pages, and states in a way only a Southern Black woman can, "Well...You BETTA work hard." Because of course, her eyes say, she hasn't raised me to do otherwise.
"I'm doin my best mom."

She hands me back the thick wad of papers and smiles--"Good." I find comfort in her finality, not feeling in the mood to answer the "when you going to send off some more chapters" inquiries.

But as I turn to get my things together to go, she reminds me why Nonacademic Souls are often wiser than Academic ones.

"They ain't gonna read all that stuff are they." Not a question, but a statement.

"No mom," I sigh defeatedly, "probably not."