Between the end of the semester crunch and Dr. J's IRB drama that never ends, my general engagement bliss and marriage floating has been somewhat diminished. Dr. J and I do what we can to enjoy our engagement. Our phone/TV dates haven't ceased (if anything they have gotten a little longer), and we have had some good time together this month. We've looked at color swatches and watched a few wedding shows. But let's be honest--I want more! I'm eager for the holidays so we can spend some quality time together without the distractions of academic life. I think that the next two things on our list will be meeting with potential coordinators, finding a photographer for our engagement photos, and beginning to draft a guest list. We have an idea of how many people we want to invite, but I fear that until we start writing it down, we won't know how far or how close we are to our ideal. Most of all I just want to take my fiance out on a real date and get back to floating.
This grading final papers stuff is for the birds.
Happy Founder's Day
This post is dedicated to the beautiful women of the Rhoyal Blue and Gold--Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Inc. as we celebrate 84 years of "Greater Service, Greater Progress." I hope that this is a beautiful day for my sorors across the country as we commit ourselves to be a beacon of light and to continue to excel in all endeavors of education.
On this Founder's Day, I have the privilege of speaking here in Gorgeous City in just a few hours. This will be my first Founder's Day keynote address and hopefully not my last!
Happy Founder's Day Sorors!!
On this Founder's Day, I have the privilege of speaking here in Gorgeous City in just a few hours. This will be my first Founder's Day keynote address and hopefully not my last!
Happy Founder's Day Sorors!!
Nice Reminder--Thank You
It has been very challenging of late to balance things in my life. The blog is quieter than I'd like it to be, my research is slow-going (if I'm not blogging then you know I'm not writing), my grading is behind more often then I like, and my weekends are spent either with wedding stuff or with just trying to enjoy being engaged and maintaining a healthy long-distance relationship. I've been feeling a little stressed to say the least.
Stopping by the blog tonight reminded me how relaxing and theraupetic it can be just to sit and write. I would love to say that this is going to motivate me to find more time to keep up my blog--but I know that is just going to be difficult this semester. Still, it is nice to take a moment to reminder the comfort of this space and to say thank you for the words of encouragement that appear on the blog every now and then such as this one:
It still surprises me to hear that my little life is at all inspirational, but thank you for these notes. I do hope that those of you who find the smallest inspiration from my story know that you inspire me to keep going--especially during times like this when things are overwhelming! Keep your head up, and I promise to do the same!
Stopping by the blog tonight reminded me how relaxing and theraupetic it can be just to sit and write. I would love to say that this is going to motivate me to find more time to keep up my blog--but I know that is just going to be difficult this semester. Still, it is nice to take a moment to reminder the comfort of this space and to say thank you for the words of encouragement that appear on the blog every now and then such as this one:
Hi,I have been reading your blog for a while now and I feel very inspired
reading your entries. I keep reading as it keeps me motivated to work towards my
dream of being a professor too. I am a Jamaican national living in Japan. I am
applying to grad schols right now its a very intimidating process for me. But I
press on. Reading your blog I feel like a whole new world has opened up for me.
There are so few women I have met who aspire to become a Professor.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. All the best on your special day.
It still surprises me to hear that my little life is at all inspirational, but thank you for these notes. I do hope that those of you who find the smallest inspiration from my story know that you inspire me to keep going--especially during times like this when things are overwhelming! Keep your head up, and I promise to do the same!
Good Week
Dr. J has been in Gorgeous City since the retirement party last Saturday. Needless to say I've been in heaven and we've been very very busy! Of our few wedding planning weeks together, this week was definitely our most productive week. I think both of us feel reenergized and our excitement and enthusiasm is back after a brief lull of distance-related-emotions.
The biggest accomplishment of the week is that we finally (well I finally) decided on which city the wedding will be in. I've been wanting to have the wedding here in Gorgeous City because it is just that--gorgeous. But as we looked through our options, we found that the places we really liked were just outside of our budget or they only accomodated outdoor weddings (which I do not want). Dr. J has been very adamant about letting me know that choosing the city was up to me--that he would marry me wherever. Hometown was the obvious choice but frankly, I don't like Hometown. It is boring and largely unattractive and since I don't live there anymore, it means that I will have to take a nice drive every time a big arrangment needs to be made. BUT after looking around Hometown a bit, we found some options for location that we are both feeling good about. I can't go into too much detail yet because nothing is certain, but we can both now visualize getting married in Hometown well within our budget.
So it was a good week. I haven't gotten much grading down and my car is acting up--but a good week nonetheless. I'll be sad to see Dr. J go tomorrow.
The biggest accomplishment of the week is that we finally (well I finally) decided on which city the wedding will be in. I've been wanting to have the wedding here in Gorgeous City because it is just that--gorgeous. But as we looked through our options, we found that the places we really liked were just outside of our budget or they only accomodated outdoor weddings (which I do not want). Dr. J has been very adamant about letting me know that choosing the city was up to me--that he would marry me wherever. Hometown was the obvious choice but frankly, I don't like Hometown. It is boring and largely unattractive and since I don't live there anymore, it means that I will have to take a nice drive every time a big arrangment needs to be made. BUT after looking around Hometown a bit, we found some options for location that we are both feeling good about. I can't go into too much detail yet because nothing is certain, but we can both now visualize getting married in Hometown well within our budget.
So it was a good week. I haven't gotten much grading down and my car is acting up--but a good week nonetheless. I'll be sad to see Dr. J go tomorrow.
Busy Busy Busy
Well, Dr. Mon is back in high spirits. Dr. J is in Gorgeous City, and I couldn't be happier. Today is a chill day for us because the past few days have been very busy. (I should be working on research today but I'm not--sue me!) This past Friday was my mother's last day on the job--she is now officially retired from state government after 32 years of service. On Friday her job threw her a nice farewell party, but I was not able to attend because I was helping to get things together for the surprise party my family was going to throw her on Saturday. So on Friday afternoon, while my mother was at the office party, my mom's favorite cousin flew down from DC. Normally when she comes down, she stays at my mom's house. But since everything was a surprise, Favorite Cousin flew here to Gorgeous City. So Dr. J and I went to pick her up at the airport and she spent the day with us lovebirds as we ran errands around town. By the end of the day, we were all exhausted, and unfortunately we didn't get much sleep as we had to be up at 6:30AM Saturday.
Although I live the farthest from Hometown, I was enlisted to get my mother out of the house Saturday morning so that the family could set up the party. I really was annoyed, but fortunately there was a bridal shop that was going out of business in Hometown on Saturday so I told my mother I was going to come up so we could look at their dresses. Dr. J, Favorite Cousin, and I arrived in Hometown around10:ooAM and made a quick stop in a church parking lot to unload the presents out of my car and drop off Favorite Cousin with another cousin to wait while I got mom out of the house. Everything was running smoothly until I got home and my mother was cooking and being very slow about leaving. I told her that Dr. J and I had plans to see one of his friends who was in town for the day, so that got her moving and finally out of the house.
Mom and I went to the bridal shop that was going out of business and I tried on my very first wedding dresses there. The prices were incredible ($100-200 range) but the dresses didn't grab me. Fortunately, mom had one other store in mind--a new boutique in downtown Hometown. This was especially fortunate since I received a text message from Dr. J asking that I keep her out until at least 1:00PM! So mom and I headed downtown and as luck would have it, the owner of the boutique was free and didn't have another appointment for an hour.
This shop was exquisite. The dresses were all beautiful and the owner/designer was very kind, helpful, and knowledgable. It was clear that we were in a top-of-the-line type store, however, the prices ranged widely from $300-8000 so there was something for every budget. I tried on about six dresses and fell in love with three. Unfortunately, due to designer restrictions, we weren't able to take pictures of most of the dresses. I do have this photo of one of my favorites. It fits like a glove and is on sale because the designer has had a hard time finding anyone who can fit it (it is about a size 4 which I believe is a 2 in every day women's wear):
This will only be up for a second in the event Dr. J decides to read my blog on some whim--fortunately I can keep an eye on his computer usage today!
After feeling like a princess for a while, I finally received the okay to bring mom back home, but of course she wants to make one more stop--at the grocery store. Since she has no clue that we are having a cookout for her, she wants to pick up some more things to cook. I did my best to discourage her from making purchases at the store--but it was to no avail. When we finally return home around 1:30, as soon as she sees the cars around the house, she says "WHAT IS GOING ON??!!" Mom raced out of the car and went around to the back of the house and starts shoutin "Oh my GOODNESS" as she sees all the friends and family gathered together. She was so surprised to see Favorite Cousin and my Granny and Great-Aunt who traveled from out of town to attend. We had a great time at the party and my mother was just too tickled that Dr. J and I had tricked her. It was a good long, busy day and that was only the beginning of my busy busy weekend with my sweetheart...
Although I live the farthest from Hometown, I was enlisted to get my mother out of the house Saturday morning so that the family could set up the party. I really was annoyed, but fortunately there was a bridal shop that was going out of business in Hometown on Saturday so I told my mother I was going to come up so we could look at their dresses. Dr. J, Favorite Cousin, and I arrived in Hometown around10:ooAM and made a quick stop in a church parking lot to unload the presents out of my car and drop off Favorite Cousin with another cousin to wait while I got mom out of the house. Everything was running smoothly until I got home and my mother was cooking and being very slow about leaving. I told her that Dr. J and I had plans to see one of his friends who was in town for the day, so that got her moving and finally out of the house.
Mom and I went to the bridal shop that was going out of business and I tried on my very first wedding dresses there. The prices were incredible ($100-200 range) but the dresses didn't grab me. Fortunately, mom had one other store in mind--a new boutique in downtown Hometown. This was especially fortunate since I received a text message from Dr. J asking that I keep her out until at least 1:00PM! So mom and I headed downtown and as luck would have it, the owner of the boutique was free and didn't have another appointment for an hour.
This shop was exquisite. The dresses were all beautiful and the owner/designer was very kind, helpful, and knowledgable. It was clear that we were in a top-of-the-line type store, however, the prices ranged widely from $300-8000 so there was something for every budget. I tried on about six dresses and fell in love with three. Unfortunately, due to designer restrictions, we weren't able to take pictures of most of the dresses. I do have this photo of one of my favorites. It fits like a glove and is on sale because the designer has had a hard time finding anyone who can fit it (it is about a size 4 which I believe is a 2 in every day women's wear):
This will only be up for a second in the event Dr. J decides to read my blog on some whim--fortunately I can keep an eye on his computer usage today!
After feeling like a princess for a while, I finally received the okay to bring mom back home, but of course she wants to make one more stop--at the grocery store. Since she has no clue that we are having a cookout for her, she wants to pick up some more things to cook. I did my best to discourage her from making purchases at the store--but it was to no avail. When we finally return home around 1:30, as soon as she sees the cars around the house, she says "WHAT IS GOING ON??!!" Mom raced out of the car and went around to the back of the house and starts shoutin "Oh my GOODNESS" as she sees all the friends and family gathered together. She was so surprised to see Favorite Cousin and my Granny and Great-Aunt who traveled from out of town to attend. We had a great time at the party and my mother was just too tickled that Dr. J and I had tricked her. It was a good long, busy day and that was only the beginning of my busy busy weekend with my sweetheart...
Low Moments
I had a wonderful trip through the mountains to see Dr. J in University Town. On the way, I saw wild mountain goats for the first time and they were a good omen to a weekend of fun with my fiance. It was weird that it was the first time I'd seen him since the proposal/graduation weekend--but it was good and long overdue.
Since I returned to Gorgeous City late Monday night (a week ago now), I've been on a downward spiral emotionally. Every day it has been a little harder to get out of bed. A little harder to grade papers. A little harder to go to campus on time. Today I think I hit rock bottom. My house is a mess which well reflects how I'm feeling inside. I'm incredibly frustrated and overwhelmed at the moment by the distance in the relationship. It is hard to motivate myself to go to bridal events or call locations and vendors when I can't share these moments with Dr. J. I spent the last week throwing myself into school-related activities--keeping busy at every possible moment just to help time pass before Dr. J is in town again. But every activity I attended I was reminded that I wasn't sharing the moment with the one person I wanted to.
Today was my work-at-home day and unfortunately the solitude brought on this ocean of emotions that I just can't seem to swim my way out of. I'm trying to hang on until Dr. J arrives in a few days, but it makes me feel even more hopeless and pitiful that I can't seem to keep myself afloat alone.
Today was a low low moment in the generally high, happy, and positive love story of Dr. John and Dr. Mon. (At least on this end--Dr. J had a great day and I'm so proud of him for overcoming some IRB holdups for his diss). Unfortuantely, days like today make me feel like maybe I didn't make the best professional decision--maybe I'm in the wrong place--and maybe I'm not going to make it to a March 2008 wedding date without going crazy!
Since I returned to Gorgeous City late Monday night (a week ago now), I've been on a downward spiral emotionally. Every day it has been a little harder to get out of bed. A little harder to grade papers. A little harder to go to campus on time. Today I think I hit rock bottom. My house is a mess which well reflects how I'm feeling inside. I'm incredibly frustrated and overwhelmed at the moment by the distance in the relationship. It is hard to motivate myself to go to bridal events or call locations and vendors when I can't share these moments with Dr. J. I spent the last week throwing myself into school-related activities--keeping busy at every possible moment just to help time pass before Dr. J is in town again. But every activity I attended I was reminded that I wasn't sharing the moment with the one person I wanted to.
Today was my work-at-home day and unfortunately the solitude brought on this ocean of emotions that I just can't seem to swim my way out of. I'm trying to hang on until Dr. J arrives in a few days, but it makes me feel even more hopeless and pitiful that I can't seem to keep myself afloat alone.
Today was a low low moment in the generally high, happy, and positive love story of Dr. John and Dr. Mon. (At least on this end--Dr. J had a great day and I'm so proud of him for overcoming some IRB holdups for his diss). Unfortuantely, days like today make me feel like maybe I didn't make the best professional decision--maybe I'm in the wrong place--and maybe I'm not going to make it to a March 2008 wedding date without going crazy!
Over the Hills and Thru the Woods
Too much time has passed since my last trip to University Town to see Dr. J. For an assortment of reasons, both positive and negative, Dr. J has done most of the driving to see me in the past 6 months. I am so glad to finally be in a place (physically, emotionally, FINANCIALLY) to go and see him pretty much whenever I'd like to. Sure there is a bit longer drive now, but my beautiful schedule and my more stable paychecks mean that I can definitely take more opportunities to visit him in his final months in University Town. I am looking forward to just seeing his face after these few weeks apart.
I think sometimes about how it feels to be away from him, and I imagine it would only be a more intense pain if we were to marry soon and still be 300+ miles from each other. We are truly hoping and (more importantly) praying that our career paths will intersect as needed by the 2008-2009 school year. It is a little nerve-racking not to know the details at this point--but who doesn't want to know the future at some point or another? I mean, wouldn't that be handy! I'm no Dionne Warwick, but I do know that I am going to enjoy going out on a few dates with my fiance this weekend. And for now, that will do.
I think sometimes about how it feels to be away from him, and I imagine it would only be a more intense pain if we were to marry soon and still be 300+ miles from each other. We are truly hoping and (more importantly) praying that our career paths will intersect as needed by the 2008-2009 school year. It is a little nerve-racking not to know the details at this point--but who doesn't want to know the future at some point or another? I mean, wouldn't that be handy! I'm no Dionne Warwick, but I do know that I am going to enjoy going out on a few dates with my fiance this weekend. And for now, that will do.
My Autobiography
Given the increasingly personal nature of this space--why not! From Professing Mama's.
Directions: fill this out in your own words and repost as, "My autobiography."
1.Where did you take or get your profile picture? N/A
2.What exactly are you wearing right now? Aqua blue mesh T-shirt and Gray cropped sweatpants. I don't like cropped pants/capris as a rule, but my mom bought these for herself and was sadly mistaken to think she could wear them.
3.What is your current problem? Grading papers.
4.What makes you most happy? Being with Dr. J.
5.What's the name of the song that you're listening to? Nothing at the moment. Last song on the radio when I got out of the car tonight was Toni Braxton--Please.
6.Has anyone you've been really close with passed away? Yes.
7.Do you ever watch MTV? Not nearly as much as I once did. I've aged out of their target audience it seems. Sigh.
8.What's something that really annoys you? People who don't wash their hands--especially in public restrooms.
Chapter 1: All About You
1.Middle name: Mom's middle name with a different first letter
2.Nickname(s): Mon
3.Current location: Gorgeous City, Southeast USA
4.Eye color: A Beautiful Brown
Chapter 2:Family
1.Do you live with your parents: Not anymore! Finally!
2.Do you get along with your parent(s):Depends on who is around
3.Are your parents married/separated/divorced: No affiliation
4.Do you have any Siblings? No
Chapter 3: favorite...
1. Ice Cream: Snickerdoodle from Marble Slab (or some regular ol' chocolate chip cookie dough)
2.Season: Fall
3.Shampoo/conditioner: Dudley's The Shampoo and Moisturizing Conditioner.
Chapter 4: Do You..
1.Dance in the shower: No--that could be dangerous.
2.Write on your hand: No! That annoys me too.
3.Call people back: Depends--eventually--maybe. Ok no not really.
4.Believe in love: Of course I do!!
5.Sleep on a certain side of the bed: Seasonally.
6. Any bad habits: Procrastination!!
7. Any mental health issues? I'm definitely too hard on myself which leads to all types of issues.
Chapter 5: Have You...
1.Broken a bone: Nope.
2.Sprained stuff: Nope.
3.Had physical therapy?: Yes--for my shoulder.
4.Gotten stitches: Yes--for a keloid removed from my ear. And maybe one other time when I was younger, but I can't remember.
5.Taken Pain killers? Every month!
6.Gone SCUBA diving or snorkeling: Not yet. Although that whole Crocodile Hunter thing is really messing with my honeymoon ideas.
7.Been stung by a bee: I was stung by some unknown flying thing in my first year at College Town. It hurt like a mug but I don't think it was a bee.
8.Thrown up at the dentist: Uh no--weird question.
9.Sworn in front of your parents: Nope.
10.Had detention: Hmmm. Don't believe I did.
11.Been sent to the principal's office: Only to hang out.
12.Been called a ho? I don't know anyone that stupid.
Chapter 6: Who/What was the last
1.Movie(s): Talladega Nights.
2.Person to text you: Dr. J.
3.Person you called: Dr. J.
4.Person you hugged: A new colleague
5.Person you tackled? Dr. J--although I can't tackle him--I make very poor attempts from time to time.
6.Thing you touched: My couch.
7.Thing you ate: Some Cheez-Its.
8.Thing you drank: Orange Kool-Aid.
9.Thing you said: Bye.
10.Friend you miss the most that has moved: Since moving from Hometown, I miss my Sunday conversations with my cousin the most.
Directions: fill this out in your own words and repost as, "My autobiography."
1.Where did you take or get your profile picture? N/A
2.What exactly are you wearing right now? Aqua blue mesh T-shirt and Gray cropped sweatpants. I don't like cropped pants/capris as a rule, but my mom bought these for herself and was sadly mistaken to think she could wear them.
3.What is your current problem? Grading papers.
4.What makes you most happy? Being with Dr. J.
5.What's the name of the song that you're listening to? Nothing at the moment. Last song on the radio when I got out of the car tonight was Toni Braxton--Please.
6.Has anyone you've been really close with passed away? Yes.
7.Do you ever watch MTV? Not nearly as much as I once did. I've aged out of their target audience it seems. Sigh.
8.What's something that really annoys you? People who don't wash their hands--especially in public restrooms.
Chapter 1: All About You
1.Middle name: Mom's middle name with a different first letter
2.Nickname(s): Mon
3.Current location: Gorgeous City, Southeast USA
4.Eye color: A Beautiful Brown
Chapter 2:Family
1.Do you live with your parents: Not anymore! Finally!
2.Do you get along with your parent(s):Depends on who is around
3.Are your parents married/separated/divorced: No affiliation
4.Do you have any Siblings? No
Chapter 3: favorite...
1. Ice Cream: Snickerdoodle from Marble Slab (or some regular ol' chocolate chip cookie dough)
2.Season: Fall
3.Shampoo/conditioner: Dudley's The Shampoo and Moisturizing Conditioner.
Chapter 4: Do You..
1.Dance in the shower: No--that could be dangerous.
2.Write on your hand: No! That annoys me too.
3.Call people back: Depends--eventually--maybe. Ok no not really.
4.Believe in love: Of course I do!!
5.Sleep on a certain side of the bed: Seasonally.
6. Any bad habits: Procrastination!!
7. Any mental health issues? I'm definitely too hard on myself which leads to all types of issues.
Chapter 5: Have You...
1.Broken a bone: Nope.
2.Sprained stuff: Nope.
3.Had physical therapy?: Yes--for my shoulder.
4.Gotten stitches: Yes--for a keloid removed from my ear. And maybe one other time when I was younger, but I can't remember.
5.Taken Pain killers? Every month!
6.Gone SCUBA diving or snorkeling: Not yet. Although that whole Crocodile Hunter thing is really messing with my honeymoon ideas.
7.Been stung by a bee: I was stung by some unknown flying thing in my first year at College Town. It hurt like a mug but I don't think it was a bee.
8.Thrown up at the dentist: Uh no--weird question.
9.Sworn in front of your parents: Nope.
10.Had detention: Hmmm. Don't believe I did.
11.Been sent to the principal's office: Only to hang out.
12.Been called a ho? I don't know anyone that stupid.
Chapter 6: Who/What was the last
1.Movie(s): Talladega Nights.
2.Person to text you: Dr. J.
3.Person you called: Dr. J.
4.Person you hugged: A new colleague
5.Person you tackled? Dr. J--although I can't tackle him--I make very poor attempts from time to time.
6.Thing you touched: My couch.
7.Thing you ate: Some Cheez-Its.
8.Thing you drank: Orange Kool-Aid.
9.Thing you said: Bye.
10.Friend you miss the most that has moved: Since moving from Hometown, I miss my Sunday conversations with my cousin the most.
It is Fun to Be a Bride!
Today I got to walk around a big auditorium with a little heart sticker on my shirt that said "Bride." I went to the early church service this morning and then took a ride downtown to my first bridal show. It was a lot of fun--information overload--but fun. I got to see for the first time how vendors operate and how you can actually get a vibe for the types of services people provide. Since Dr. J and I don't even have a location yet, it was good to talk to vendors about the various venues they've worked at and I left with a long list of places (as well as some confirmations about a few places we were already considering).
I couldn't really capitalize completely on what was available today (some things like flowers and invitations and DJs--it was just too early to think about). But I did find a photographer that I really clicked with and his prices are well within our budget--his work is BEAUTIFUL and most of all I liked the pride that he took in his work. I do know a little about photography, and I was disappointed by the poor quality in some of the vendors' pictures as well as the more "corporate" attitude they had towards their business. The photographer I liked was there with his wife and they were both very personable and helpful to me with all the questions I had. Dr. J and I will definitely make an appointment to meet with them if we confirm our location for Gorgeous City. Most of the vendors indicated that since we are getting married in March 2008, we still have some time to secure good deals; however, they are already booked up for next spring and starting to fill for next summer and fall so they encouraged us to stay ahead of the gang. They definitely indicated that the good locations go quickly around here so I hope that Dr. J and I can secure a site by the end of October. It won't be a need to rush at all if we decide to get married in Hometown--there just isn't a high demand there.
In addition to a potential photographer, one of the few African American vendors there was a Mary Kay consultant. I had a great time talking with her and she has her own skincare salon. I have definite skin and hair issues that have worsened since I've moved back to the South. So it was good to make a connection with a professional woman of color who understands the unique skin issues that Black women have and the challenges of having a semi-natural hairstyle. She offered a free facial so I will definitely take her up on that soon. I would love to get my skin in better shape--especially the blemishes on my back that I am sometimes very self-conscious about.
Last but not least--I got a bag full of goodies today!! So I have my very own wedding tote bag after all. Sure it is not as "cutsie" but it will definitely serve the purpose. I was so overwhelmed with information that I didn't go through the bag when I got in--I think I'm going to wait until I see Dr. J at the end of the week.
I couldn't really capitalize completely on what was available today (some things like flowers and invitations and DJs--it was just too early to think about). But I did find a photographer that I really clicked with and his prices are well within our budget--his work is BEAUTIFUL and most of all I liked the pride that he took in his work. I do know a little about photography, and I was disappointed by the poor quality in some of the vendors' pictures as well as the more "corporate" attitude they had towards their business. The photographer I liked was there with his wife and they were both very personable and helpful to me with all the questions I had. Dr. J and I will definitely make an appointment to meet with them if we confirm our location for Gorgeous City. Most of the vendors indicated that since we are getting married in March 2008, we still have some time to secure good deals; however, they are already booked up for next spring and starting to fill for next summer and fall so they encouraged us to stay ahead of the gang. They definitely indicated that the good locations go quickly around here so I hope that Dr. J and I can secure a site by the end of October. It won't be a need to rush at all if we decide to get married in Hometown--there just isn't a high demand there.
In addition to a potential photographer, one of the few African American vendors there was a Mary Kay consultant. I had a great time talking with her and she has her own skincare salon. I have definite skin and hair issues that have worsened since I've moved back to the South. So it was good to make a connection with a professional woman of color who understands the unique skin issues that Black women have and the challenges of having a semi-natural hairstyle. She offered a free facial so I will definitely take her up on that soon. I would love to get my skin in better shape--especially the blemishes on my back that I am sometimes very self-conscious about.
Last but not least--I got a bag full of goodies today!! So I have my very own wedding tote bag after all. Sure it is not as "cutsie" but it will definitely serve the purpose. I was so overwhelmed with information that I didn't go through the bag when I got in--I think I'm going to wait until I see Dr. J at the end of the week.
The Organized Bride Planner
Organization for me is comforting--my own little anchor in the midst of a storm of chaos. I'm not as organized as I could be in one of my classes and it is driving me nuts. Hopefully I'll get back on track before the week is out. In the meantime, I'm determined to get organized about this wedding. We're on the Knot which has lots of great checklists, but I would really like a nice notebook or binder to keep stuff in. My good friend Tina, who got married in a beautiful resort in San Diego, made her own binder that was really nice. I'm organized--but not that creative. So I've been shopping around and a bride-to-be who chatted me up in the brides section of Barnes and Nobles suggested I look at Exclusively Weddings. She was right--they do have some nice things. But is this going over board?
I think it would be great to keep everything in one place but it is a little pricey. Should I splurge? I like the bag a lot though--will be great for the honeymoon too. Anything other good organizer ideas out there????
I think it would be great to keep everything in one place but it is a little pricey. Should I splurge? I like the bag a lot though--will be great for the honeymoon too. Anything other good organizer ideas out there????
Yup
| You Are Likely an Only Child |
 At your darkest moments, you feel frustrated. At work and school, you do best when you're organizing. When you love someone, you tend to worry about them. In friendship, you are emotional and sympathetic. Your ideal careers are: radio announcer, finance, teaching, ministry, and management. You will leave your mark on the world with organizational leadership, maybe as the author of self-help books. |
The Surreal Life
Sometimes it feels like a bad reality TV show around here. Yesterday, my place became the site of an HGTV "Design on a Dime" by my mom and our family and friends. They did a nice job adding some new touches to my place and rearranging the furniture--but goodness I am tired after all of that. My mom's friend Deb has a great eye for home design and event planning so she is coming back down to Gorgeous City in a few weeks to help me pick out some more accessories for my place. She is also going to be the go to woman for the wedding if we don't hire a consultant.
The wedding of course turned things into an episode of the Style channel's "Whose Wedding is it Anyways?"! I've learned that "they" already have a church and reception site picked out for us in Hometown and the family is not too keen on the idea of our getting married in Gorgeous City. I knew it was going to be an issue, but I hate feeling like I can't even consider what I want to do for my own wedding. Dr. J has deferred to me on the issue of location. He's a pretty traditional guy and would probably prefer if we got married in the bride's hometown. But I of course am anti-tradition and I hate my hometown (it is just not pretty and there's not a lot to do there for guests who come from out of town). Gorgeous City is just that--beautiful. There are so many options here and it is not that far from home. However, it is closer to Dr. J's family so the perception is already that we are trying to accommodate his family but not mine. I already see me beautiful vision of a Gorgeous City garden house or beach resort wedding is being ripped away from me and that sucks. It is already starting to feel like every other major event in my life that hasn't been about me but about the family. But I can't really even "fight" for anything right now because Dr. J and I haven't started looking. I hope that when we do, we'll just absolutely fall in love with a place and that will be that--whether it is here or in Hometown. I just want it to be a place that we pick--not a location that everyone else has decided on and we go along with. That would really suck--it would set a bad tone for me for this entire event--and increase my desire to just go somewhere and elope (which is what I always wanted to do--I've never been girly enough to dream about having a wedding day). So I'm having the freakin wedding in the first place to accommodate my family--shouldn't that be enough?? Apparently not. I foresee in the coming months, I'm just going to surrender the entire event to my mom and her friends and I'll just show up as needed. Sigh. At the end of the day I know I'll just give up--because I always do when it comes to my family (especially my mother), and I just want to get married to Dr. J with as little stress involved as possible.
In related news--we've picked a date. March 2008 it is!
The wedding of course turned things into an episode of the Style channel's "Whose Wedding is it Anyways?"! I've learned that "they" already have a church and reception site picked out for us in Hometown and the family is not too keen on the idea of our getting married in Gorgeous City. I knew it was going to be an issue, but I hate feeling like I can't even consider what I want to do for my own wedding. Dr. J has deferred to me on the issue of location. He's a pretty traditional guy and would probably prefer if we got married in the bride's hometown. But I of course am anti-tradition and I hate my hometown (it is just not pretty and there's not a lot to do there for guests who come from out of town). Gorgeous City is just that--beautiful. There are so many options here and it is not that far from home. However, it is closer to Dr. J's family so the perception is already that we are trying to accommodate his family but not mine. I already see me beautiful vision of a Gorgeous City garden house or beach resort wedding is being ripped away from me and that sucks. It is already starting to feel like every other major event in my life that hasn't been about me but about the family. But I can't really even "fight" for anything right now because Dr. J and I haven't started looking. I hope that when we do, we'll just absolutely fall in love with a place and that will be that--whether it is here or in Hometown. I just want it to be a place that we pick--not a location that everyone else has decided on and we go along with. That would really suck--it would set a bad tone for me for this entire event--and increase my desire to just go somewhere and elope (which is what I always wanted to do--I've never been girly enough to dream about having a wedding day). So I'm having the freakin wedding in the first place to accommodate my family--shouldn't that be enough?? Apparently not. I foresee in the coming months, I'm just going to surrender the entire event to my mom and her friends and I'll just show up as needed. Sigh. At the end of the day I know I'll just give up--because I always do when it comes to my family (especially my mother), and I just want to get married to Dr. J with as little stress involved as possible.
In related news--we've picked a date. March 2008 it is!
In a Knot
So the Mister and I have signed on to The Knot. (We don't have a personal page yet so I can't do even a brief reveal). The site is perfect for the person like me who needs to be extra organized and Dr. J loves it--he's the main one putting a flame to my behind to get started on this thing. You know, the planning for the wedding thing. But as I keep trying to express to him, it is hard for me to work without a deadline. And as of right now--we don't have a date. Ugh. It should not be this difficult to decide when we're going to get married. We know that to some extent, the date will depend on location availability (and we haven't narrowed down which city we're getting married in) and budget (and we don't know how much money we want to spend). But at the end of the day, I feel like those things don't matter very much. I need a freakin deadline to work with people. (Recall this dissertation--I need timelines).
Let me be more productive here. There are three main options:
Summer 2007: This is the expected/traditional choice. About a year from the proposal--maybe August.
Fall 2007: Given that we are both academics, a fall wedding would ideally occur sometime during a low-activity time of the semester--Fall Break, Thanksgiving, or Winter Break. Winter Break is the frontrunner in this option due to the extended time without class.
Spring 2008: Leaning toward some time around March so that we could honeymoon over Spring Break.
Now here is where things get complicated.
Summer 2007 (August):
Pros: 1) We get married as soon as possible. This is a virtually unbeatable pro and is the main reason summer is still a conversation. 2) Summer time means summer vacation--more friends and family can attend without a problem. 3) Summer time is a nice time for a honeymoon on the beach.
Cons: 1) Not a lot of time to plan--especially considering I am still figuring out new courses and Dr. J is navigating data collection issues at the moment. An August wedding would mean we would have to have some things lined up ASAP--which is a huge problem because one of the cities we are considering is a nationally known wedding site. 2) August is a peak travel/vacation time for the areas we are considering plus a popular wedding month--so prices will be up--availability will be low at the sites we are considering. 3) Dr. J is going to be starting his first full time academic job in 2007-2008--in a location other than Gorgeous City (formerly known as New School City). We will be at least 90 miles a part and I really don't want to get married and go back to living in two different places--especially if he takes a job out of state. 4) It is ridiculously hot and humid down here in the summer and I don't want to be in a dress with hosiery on--sweating. Not cute.
Fall 2007 (October-December):
Pros: 1) The weather will be a heck of a lot nicer. 2) It gives us more time to plan and save money for the wedding and for life after the wedding, while not feeling like it is a long time away. 3) It is not peak wedding or vacation season so we could have a lot more options and negotiate prices a lot better.
Cons: 1) At this stage, Dr. J is getting settled in to his first year and I know things will be hectic for him. 2) Let's keep it real--folks have tight budgets over the holidays and while it is not about the gifts--a sistah would like a blender or something! 3) Dr. J and I both have birthdays in December in addition to Christmas--do we really want to add an anniversary. 4) There is not a lot of time for a honeymoon and it would pretty much have to be over winter break. 5) We'd both have to report back to work in separate cities after the wedding for the rest of the year.
Spring 2008 (March):
Pros: 1) Allows the maximum time to plan--both for the wedding and married life--especially considering that right now we have no clue where Dr. J is going to be working. This would give us time to figure some things out--start a nest egg for the house--pay some debts--go through some couples classes together--all that good stuff. 2) The spring is a nice time of year and March is still ahead of the wedding season rush in this area (especially early March which is what we're thinking). 3) Because my institution has a gazillion semesters, I could possible work my courseload so that I am done by March--that way I could just stay with Dr. J for the rest of the spring and through the summer potentially.
Con: 1) It is far away. This is the biggest con on the board. 17 full months away seems like forever and neither of us knows if we can wait that long. 2) We don't know when spring break is going to be or if our institutions will have the same break--and do we really want to honeymoon on Spring Break? But beyond that, I can't remember if March had anymore cons--the first one just counts for like 6 or 7 cons by itself!
So that's where we are right now. I would probably like to make March work, but I can't commit myself to that--it is a long time away! We've given ourselves a deadline of Sept. 9th to narrow this down. We'll see how we do!
Let me be more productive here. There are three main options:
Summer 2007: This is the expected/traditional choice. About a year from the proposal--maybe August.
Fall 2007: Given that we are both academics, a fall wedding would ideally occur sometime during a low-activity time of the semester--Fall Break, Thanksgiving, or Winter Break. Winter Break is the frontrunner in this option due to the extended time without class.
Spring 2008: Leaning toward some time around March so that we could honeymoon over Spring Break.
Now here is where things get complicated.
Summer 2007 (August):
Pros: 1) We get married as soon as possible. This is a virtually unbeatable pro and is the main reason summer is still a conversation. 2) Summer time means summer vacation--more friends and family can attend without a problem. 3) Summer time is a nice time for a honeymoon on the beach.
Cons: 1) Not a lot of time to plan--especially considering I am still figuring out new courses and Dr. J is navigating data collection issues at the moment. An August wedding would mean we would have to have some things lined up ASAP--which is a huge problem because one of the cities we are considering is a nationally known wedding site. 2) August is a peak travel/vacation time for the areas we are considering plus a popular wedding month--so prices will be up--availability will be low at the sites we are considering. 3) Dr. J is going to be starting his first full time academic job in 2007-2008--in a location other than Gorgeous City (formerly known as New School City). We will be at least 90 miles a part and I really don't want to get married and go back to living in two different places--especially if he takes a job out of state. 4) It is ridiculously hot and humid down here in the summer and I don't want to be in a dress with hosiery on--sweating. Not cute.
Fall 2007 (October-December):
Pros: 1) The weather will be a heck of a lot nicer. 2) It gives us more time to plan and save money for the wedding and for life after the wedding, while not feeling like it is a long time away. 3) It is not peak wedding or vacation season so we could have a lot more options and negotiate prices a lot better.
Cons: 1) At this stage, Dr. J is getting settled in to his first year and I know things will be hectic for him. 2) Let's keep it real--folks have tight budgets over the holidays and while it is not about the gifts--a sistah would like a blender or something! 3) Dr. J and I both have birthdays in December in addition to Christmas--do we really want to add an anniversary. 4) There is not a lot of time for a honeymoon and it would pretty much have to be over winter break. 5) We'd both have to report back to work in separate cities after the wedding for the rest of the year.
Spring 2008 (March):
Pros: 1) Allows the maximum time to plan--both for the wedding and married life--especially considering that right now we have no clue where Dr. J is going to be working. This would give us time to figure some things out--start a nest egg for the house--pay some debts--go through some couples classes together--all that good stuff. 2) The spring is a nice time of year and March is still ahead of the wedding season rush in this area (especially early March which is what we're thinking). 3) Because my institution has a gazillion semesters, I could possible work my courseload so that I am done by March--that way I could just stay with Dr. J for the rest of the spring and through the summer potentially.
Con: 1) It is far away. This is the biggest con on the board. 17 full months away seems like forever and neither of us knows if we can wait that long. 2) We don't know when spring break is going to be or if our institutions will have the same break--and do we really want to honeymoon on Spring Break? But beyond that, I can't remember if March had anymore cons--the first one just counts for like 6 or 7 cons by itself!
So that's where we are right now. I would probably like to make March work, but I can't commit myself to that--it is a long time away! We've given ourselves a deadline of Sept. 9th to narrow this down. We'll see how we do!
Ch-Ch-Ch Changes!
It is a new semester and a new adventure in my life is beginning. So you know what that means--time for a new look for the blog! It's girly, it's crisp, and it's just about Tiffany Blue! It's perfect for the new direction for this space.
After I finished the dissertation, I found myself struggling to write--I felt myself going all over the place. That was especially difficult given that this blog started as so focused and goal-oriented. My time away from the blog has been good. I miss writing every day--I miss the community--I miss the time to sit and focus and think about my day.
So I'm coming back to blogging again. This time with a different focus--planning for a wedding and planning for a life with the wonderful Dr. J. This space will probably be much more personal than it was last year--and I think I am okay with that as it was already starting to move in a more personal direction. The one thing I think will be missing the most from this revised blog is that I won't talk so much about university life here. Life in academia will probably only arise as it relates to Dr. J and I preparing for our dual academic careers together.
I've realized that I need a different space to talk about university life--one with more privacy--one that speaks to a very particular audience--one that I can start after I've been on the job a bit longer. I've only been in classes for two weeks now (and it is going great and I love it), and I just want to take some time to experience it for a while before I figure out how to incorporate blogging into that aspect of my life. I know I'm going to want an academic space in the future; I already have questions that I would like to discuss/think through in a public forum type fashion. I especially would like to blend my interests in race and gender and politics into a blog--just not yet.
So for now, this is a new start. Welcome to my so-called engaged life.
After I finished the dissertation, I found myself struggling to write--I felt myself going all over the place. That was especially difficult given that this blog started as so focused and goal-oriented. My time away from the blog has been good. I miss writing every day--I miss the community--I miss the time to sit and focus and think about my day.
So I'm coming back to blogging again. This time with a different focus--planning for a wedding and planning for a life with the wonderful Dr. J. This space will probably be much more personal than it was last year--and I think I am okay with that as it was already starting to move in a more personal direction. The one thing I think will be missing the most from this revised blog is that I won't talk so much about university life here. Life in academia will probably only arise as it relates to Dr. J and I preparing for our dual academic careers together.
I've realized that I need a different space to talk about university life--one with more privacy--one that speaks to a very particular audience--one that I can start after I've been on the job a bit longer. I've only been in classes for two weeks now (and it is going great and I love it), and I just want to take some time to experience it for a while before I figure out how to incorporate blogging into that aspect of my life. I know I'm going to want an academic space in the future; I already have questions that I would like to discuss/think through in a public forum type fashion. I especially would like to blend my interests in race and gender and politics into a blog--just not yet.
So for now, this is a new start. Welcome to my so-called engaged life.
So Much To Say
(Understatement follows). This has been quite a week. Between the engagement, graduation, and faculty orientation, I am quite overwhelmed right now!
Many many thanks for all the well wishes on our engagement. I have enjoyed finding out all the things Dr. J was going behind my back when he was allegedly working on dissertation business. The story of him going to meet with my mother last Tuesday is a great one, but I don't have the energy to go into that now. Dr. J and I are doing great and trying to do our best to enjoy this time. Unfortunately he is already gone back to University Town, and I miss him dearly. These next few months of long distance relationship status are going to be rough but hopefully they will go by quickly. No wedding date is set as of yet, although we are looking at a 12-18 month window. I'm trying to keep planning and thinking-about-planning to a minimum right now.
School is getting underway here, and I am rushing to complete all the items on my to-do list. I am behind in a very un-Mon-like fashion. But I am enjoying meeting my new colleagues, and I think I am transitioning well into this new faculty role.
I have been thinking a lot about transitioning out of this blogspace. I have found it increasingly difficult to write here--for no other reason than suddenly this blog is a little "theme-less" to me. It was easy to write every day when it was just about the dissertation, but now that my life is turning in so many different directions, personally and professionally, this space feels very fragmented to me. There may be a wedding planning blog in my future as well as an academic one, but I really can't say right now. I do feel like I should keep an online space--especially after the delurking that went on this week (thanks to those of you who commented for the first time)! But I really need to figure out how, where, and to what extent I want to change my blogging. So when I'm sitting in boring orientation meetings this week, I'll have something to think about.
In the meantime, I was really touched to return to my blog and find this comment that was left regarding this post:
Many many thanks for all the well wishes on our engagement. I have enjoyed finding out all the things Dr. J was going behind my back when he was allegedly working on dissertation business. The story of him going to meet with my mother last Tuesday is a great one, but I don't have the energy to go into that now. Dr. J and I are doing great and trying to do our best to enjoy this time. Unfortunately he is already gone back to University Town, and I miss him dearly. These next few months of long distance relationship status are going to be rough but hopefully they will go by quickly. No wedding date is set as of yet, although we are looking at a 12-18 month window. I'm trying to keep planning and thinking-about-planning to a minimum right now.
School is getting underway here, and I am rushing to complete all the items on my to-do list. I am behind in a very un-Mon-like fashion. But I am enjoying meeting my new colleagues, and I think I am transitioning well into this new faculty role.
I have been thinking a lot about transitioning out of this blogspace. I have found it increasingly difficult to write here--for no other reason than suddenly this blog is a little "theme-less" to me. It was easy to write every day when it was just about the dissertation, but now that my life is turning in so many different directions, personally and professionally, this space feels very fragmented to me. There may be a wedding planning blog in my future as well as an academic one, but I really can't say right now. I do feel like I should keep an online space--especially after the delurking that went on this week (thanks to those of you who commented for the first time)! But I really need to figure out how, where, and to what extent I want to change my blogging. So when I'm sitting in boring orientation meetings this week, I'll have something to think about.
In the meantime, I was really touched to return to my blog and find this comment that was left regarding this post:
Anonymous said...I am greatly appreciative to this commenter for sharing this with me here, and it is certainly good motivation for me to reconsider why I blog and what I blog about. I am optimistic that I'll figure out my next stage for blogging soon.
i am writing to you from india - i am not a woman of color, here all of us are different shades of brown - but i am from a lower caste community. i could have passed off as upper caste, but somehow i took to interrogating caste in my academic life. i live in a upper caste dominated place. i still have not from my childhood to now, been taught by men or women of my caste. i cannot hope to find any for the next ten years also. today as i write this, i am very very sad. there is a conference going on here on caste and democracy and all the lower caste men and the upper caste women are conglomerating in different venues. i was left out of everything, mainly because i raise distasteful issues concerning mainstream academic politics. i cannot sleep and i cannot cry. i just sit here and read your blog and feel somewhat better. i know that in india no woman from my caste will write a blog like this - sometimes i wonder if i can go on, sometimes i promise myself that i will stay and struggle for all those coming up after me from so far behind. thanks a lot.
A Fairy Tale
A year ago yesterday, Dr. J and I went on our first date. We had been talking on the phone for hours for a little less than a week, and I was looking forward to this lunch with him. He was incredibly nervous (although it didn't show to much), but by the end of the day, we both knew that there was definitely something unmistakably magical between us. Although Dr. J and I generally remember the 4th of August (the first day we met), August 9th is our true "anniversary" date--it was the day we knew we were a couple. We had a talk not too long ago about if in the future we should "celebrate" the 4th or the 9th and decided on the 9th. So it was good to have Dr. J in town for this special day. His schedule has been busy this week with dissertation stuff (or so I thought), so it was nice to get our celebration started with a nice dinner Tuesday night (recipe to come B*). I had picked up a bottle of Reisling and also baked a lil chocolate cake, so Dr. J was surprised when he got in Tuesday night. We laughed and talked and danced together until the wee hours of the morning.
Yesterday morning, we were a little slow getting started--we actually slept for a while which was good. We danced to the anniversary song and got out and ran a few errands. We went to see Ricky Bobby and laughed as loud as we wanted because we had this big stadium theatre all to ourselves (it was about one in the afternoon). Our plan was to catch an early dinner at the first restaurant we ever went to here in New School City (a beautiful place on the waterfront). But right after we left the movie, a huge thunderstorm came up. It was pretty bad and delayed our dinner plans an hour. Fortunately, the restaurant screwed up our reservation time (they had us down for 7:00 instead of 6:00) so we when arrived, we were actually on time. Dr. J and I had a wonderfully romantic dinner--just like our first time there and the rain looked like it was going to let up, but it only did a little.
So we had a bit of a quandary. Our first visit to this particular restaurant was followed by a walk on New School City's famous downtown waterfront area. I really wanted to go down and sit at the pier so I said let's go anyway. It really worked out that it was raining because that kept the tourists away. It is a beautiful spot on the water where it is normally hard to get a seat (and it is a covered area so it was dry where I wanted to sit and look at the water). So although Dr. J was acting a little agitated about the rain, we finally got a parking space and got settled downtown at a nice spot on the water. The rain also meant that there was a cool breeze, so we just cuddled together and talked about what a great day and great year we had together. We were just floating in our own sweet confessions of love as Dr. J began to tell me how he wished the night could end--with our favorite group singing to us:
As we talked about how wonderful that would be--a perfect ending to our day, Dr. J began to deliver for me a beautiful poem about how much he needed me and loves me. When he finished, I was (I thought) floating as high as I possibly could be at that moment. It was just so wonderful to be sitting in the middle of a beautiful night with the man that I love by God's big beautiful ocean. And as I was all caught up in the moment, in his love, in the night, Dr. J suddenly dropped to one knee and asked:
Mon, will you marry me?
My mouth dropped open--I think I actually first said "shut up" because I couldn't believe it. I was in complete awe as I began to laugh and squeal and kiss him and say Yes YES YES!! as he slipped the most perfect ring in the world on my little little finger. It is perfectly classically me in every way:
And man it is hard to show in a photo, but this lil bling bling sparkles--it is just perfect for my little hand:
Yesterday morning, we were a little slow getting started--we actually slept for a while which was good. We danced to the anniversary song and got out and ran a few errands. We went to see Ricky Bobby and laughed as loud as we wanted because we had this big stadium theatre all to ourselves (it was about one in the afternoon). Our plan was to catch an early dinner at the first restaurant we ever went to here in New School City (a beautiful place on the waterfront). But right after we left the movie, a huge thunderstorm came up. It was pretty bad and delayed our dinner plans an hour. Fortunately, the restaurant screwed up our reservation time (they had us down for 7:00 instead of 6:00) so we when arrived, we were actually on time. Dr. J and I had a wonderfully romantic dinner--just like our first time there and the rain looked like it was going to let up, but it only did a little.
So we had a bit of a quandary. Our first visit to this particular restaurant was followed by a walk on New School City's famous downtown waterfront area. I really wanted to go down and sit at the pier so I said let's go anyway. It really worked out that it was raining because that kept the tourists away. It is a beautiful spot on the water where it is normally hard to get a seat (and it is a covered area so it was dry where I wanted to sit and look at the water). So although Dr. J was acting a little agitated about the rain, we finally got a parking space and got settled downtown at a nice spot on the water. The rain also meant that there was a cool breeze, so we just cuddled together and talked about what a great day and great year we had together. We were just floating in our own sweet confessions of love as Dr. J began to tell me how he wished the night could end--with our favorite group singing to us:
As we talked about how wonderful that would be--a perfect ending to our day, Dr. J began to deliver for me a beautiful poem about how much he needed me and loves me. When he finished, I was (I thought) floating as high as I possibly could be at that moment. It was just so wonderful to be sitting in the middle of a beautiful night with the man that I love by God's big beautiful ocean. And as I was all caught up in the moment, in his love, in the night, Dr. J suddenly dropped to one knee and asked:
Mon, will you marry me?
My mouth dropped open--I think I actually first said "shut up" because I couldn't believe it. I was in complete awe as I began to laugh and squeal and kiss him and say Yes YES YES!! as he slipped the most perfect ring in the world on my little little finger. It is perfectly classically me in every way:
I LOVE the details of the ring--I keep finding little things about it that I love:
And man it is hard to show in a photo, but this lil bling bling sparkles--it is just perfect for my little hand:
Dr. J knows he could have given me a rubber band and I would be happy, but it is so nice to have a man in my life who not only loves me right, but also knows me--knows my taste and knows how to make me grin like a giddy schoolgirl. We laughed, we cried, we just had a wonderful night out on the pier and of course, it stopped raining as we sat there. That gave us a chance to walk around downtown, make important phone calls, and duck into a nice restaurant for a little Riesling and dessert. We came home and danced some more, and in the surprise of the evening, I had forgotten to give Dr. J his anniversary present and card--which he enjoyed very much.
It was a day I'll never forget. I feel like a princess, and I'm not coming down from this cloud for a while. I can't believe so many things are happening in my life right now--I feel so lucky--so blessed. I never thought I'd be here. But it feels great. It feels like a fairy tale and I love it.
Good and Busy
I cannot say enough how nice it is to have Dr. J. New School City is his hometown, but it was so nice to hear him say he was coming home--to me. We stayed up until probably 7 this morning--just talking about all sorts of things concerning us. It has been a while since we've done that, and I'm starting to feel it now. Somehow I still had the energy to do a good bit of shopping and cooking today (and I hate to cook). I made a nice salmon dish with yellow rice--I should have taken a picture of it like B* and ProfMe--next time I make it I definitely will.
In any event, Dr. J has some dissertation business to take care of while he's in town, so I'm trying to use the moments we aren't together to get things in order for classes. Preparing for this new course (new to me) is becoming a bit more time-consuming than I expected. Especially putting together assignment descriptions. I tried to find some similar assignments on-line, but I haven't had much luck. So for the most part, I'm starting from scratch. But I have about 75% of that work done. I want to get everything drafted at least before I head out of town for graduation this weekend. (Congrats to Melyssa who is also walkin the stage!) Unfortunately, I haven't made much progress on the book chapter that is due next week--hopefully the approaching deadline will light a fire under my behind before the week is out.
In any event, Dr. J has some dissertation business to take care of while he's in town, so I'm trying to use the moments we aren't together to get things in order for classes. Preparing for this new course (new to me) is becoming a bit more time-consuming than I expected. Especially putting together assignment descriptions. I tried to find some similar assignments on-line, but I haven't had much luck. So for the most part, I'm starting from scratch. But I have about 75% of that work done. I want to get everything drafted at least before I head out of town for graduation this weekend. (Congrats to Melyssa who is also walkin the stage!) Unfortunately, I haven't made much progress on the book chapter that is due next week--hopefully the approaching deadline will light a fire under my behind before the week is out.
Time Why You Walk Away?
I really don't know where my time has gone this week. I feel like I've been moving non-stop and today am I doing a little crashin and burnin. Fortunately, this week has been very productive and has gotten me even more excited and motivated for classes to start in the coming weeks.
Let's see, where did the time go??:
Let's see, where did the time go??:
- I finished the majority of my unpacking. The sofa company replaced the torn couch that they delivered when I moved in, but when they brought my new coffee table, it was damaged as well. So I'm still waiting on a new table. Sigh.
- Something is wrong with my personal laptop. It won't read any USB devices and it takes forever for Windows to load. In attempting to save the files that were on it, I discovered that the CD Burner no longer works either. Fortunately, I have my new laptop from the school and I finally figured out how to upload all the files from my old computer to this one. I still have not been able to recover my lost dissertation files though.
- My graduation invites were a big hit with the grandmothers--I can't decide which one is the proudest--they are both walking around like peacocks. I got to see both of them this past week when I went home to get my hair shaped up.
- My regalia is very regal--It was delivered to my hometown address so my mother has been taking care of it for me. I love my robes--they are going to be a pain to wear in this heat, but I'm looking forward to walking in them next Saturday, and wearing them again in a few weeks for our opening convocation.
- All of my paperwork has finally been processed from HR, so I was able to get my new ID card yesterday and made my first trip to the library (where the nice librarians all called me Professor Mon). I'm still looking for a few texts for fall, but mostly at this point, I'm trying to finalize my booklist for my spring seminar.
- I'm also trying to get the sources I need to finish this book chapter revision. My co-author has completely left this in my lap (she's gone out of the country) and I'm struggling with what to do to make this work.
- I've learned that there are a few too many stairs to climb to get to my office. But I love being in my office. They are prepping it right now for a good cleaning, so I probably won't be in there much this coming week. I need to spend some time figuring out what I want to put on the walls. Part of me wants to put up some real militant Black posters, but I don't want to scare the children. Any suggestions on office decorations??
- I've watched quite a bit of TV since I've been here. Why did I sign up for all these channels????
- I had a wonderful time meeting some faculty members and students of color yesterday. There was a minority student program that I stopped in on, and I was given the opportunity to introduce myself to the students. It was cool to see their reactions to me--an combination of disbelief, excitement, and admiration. After the program was over, a few of the students in my major came to introduce themselves to me. More than anything else that has happened since I've arrived, meeting those students made me feel like I'm in the right place--like this is the one thing more than anything else in the world that I'm supposed to be doing right now.
- Dr. J and I met a year ago yesterday. He sent me beautiful roses yesterday morning and they are just gorgeous. It was rough not having him here yesterday--that was the only downside to this week. But fortunately I'll get to see him soon. We haven't been out on a date in a while, so I'm looking forward to us finding some nice romantic spots here in New School City. This city is known for its great food, so I'm sure we'll have a wonderful time trying out places while I'm here and finding "our" spot.
All of the business of the week has been great, but scary. This is just the beginning.
New Kid on the Block
I'm enjoying this time getting adjusted to my commute and to life on my new campus. It is truly a charming place that reflects all the history and character of the city. Even though it is incredibly hot outside, the thick trees and shaded balconies make the area feel quite pleasant. I think I'm going to like it here. I spent the day working on my classes and just wandering around the library (beautiful new building but I miss all the R1 books--I mean just three floors??) In any event, the transition continues to go quite smoothly.
But as I walked around and got to work today, I was reminded repeatedly that I don't look like a professor. Kids going through orientation were checking me out as I walked by. I stopped by the learning center to see my department's support office and I had to tell the staff three times I was new faculty before she "got it." I ran into a friend of my mom's who works on campus and she couldn't stop reminding how young and little I am.
Maybe it is time I abandoned my fashion sense and donned some frumpy frocks and an ol' fashioned hair cut.
Nah.
But as I walked around and got to work today, I was reminded repeatedly that I don't look like a professor. Kids going through orientation were checking me out as I walked by. I stopped by the learning center to see my department's support office and I had to tell the staff three times I was new faculty before she "got it." I ran into a friend of my mom's who works on campus and she couldn't stop reminding how young and little I am.
Maybe it is time I abandoned my fashion sense and donned some frumpy frocks and an ol' fashioned hair cut.
Nah.
Lovely Day
A day with a 109 degree heat index would not normally qualify itself as a lovely day in my book. But despite the dense heat and humidity that fogged my sunglasses everytime I stepped out the door, I had a quite lovely day. I woke up this morning and made myself a delicious strawberry-blackberry smoothie for breakfast and headed down to campus. I was a little late for my meeting because I couldn't find a parking space (I can't wait to get my permit) but I called ahead and my appointment helped me find a place to park. Today was office set-up day. I rearranged the furniture and my new computer (with a beautiful widescreen monitor) was set up. Then I just sat in my office. In my office. I remembered that I needed to go by the departmental office to pick up some office supplies and there was a pleasant surprise in my box--a nameplate for my door that says Dr. Mon. Dr. Mon is officially at work. I'm home on my new work laptop--blogging wirelessly for the first time in New School City. It's a Friday and I should do nothing, but I feel like working on my classes and backing up my home computer.
The bad news of the day is that my home computer fried all my USB devices so unless I want to pay for data recovery (upwards of a $1000 is the estimate I got today), I have lost my daily dissertation drafts. I have copies of the submitted drafts I turned in on my university server, but the little changes I made on a day to day basis were only on those two external drives. That sucks. I should have burned everything on a couple CDs like I planned to before I moved, but moving got in the way. I don't really need those drafts, but it sure would be nice to have them back. So in the words of Ragey--back up, back up, and back up again!! I'm going to see about backing up my home computer to this new laptop and then backing them up again on this university server. That'll be enough to keep me busy tonight. And even with the work I'm giving myself, it is still quite a lovely day.
The bad news of the day is that my home computer fried all my USB devices so unless I want to pay for data recovery (upwards of a $1000 is the estimate I got today), I have lost my daily dissertation drafts. I have copies of the submitted drafts I turned in on my university server, but the little changes I made on a day to day basis were only on those two external drives. That sucks. I should have burned everything on a couple CDs like I planned to before I moved, but moving got in the way. I don't really need those drafts, but it sure would be nice to have them back. So in the words of Ragey--back up, back up, and back up again!! I'm going to see about backing up my home computer to this new laptop and then backing them up again on this university server. That'll be enough to keep me busy tonight. And even with the work I'm giving myself, it is still quite a lovely day.
Getting Settled
With the exception of my downstairs phone jacks, my place is finally in fully working order. I still need to finish unpacking my clothes and my books--maybe today, maybe not. It feels good to finally be settled in. I wish Dr. J didn't have to return to University Town yesterday, but he has to get back to the business of dissertating. We had a nice time together--excluding the time we wasted seeing Pirates 2--the worse sequel I've seen in quite some time. I should have let him help me unpack some more but I didn't want to spend our little bit of time together doing that. We did take a very nice trip down to campus to see my office and I really like my space. I'm sharing with another junior faculty who teaches most of her classes at our branch campus, but the space is really huge. The walls are a nice bright color, we have huge windows, and there is a door adjacent to our office that leads to a big balcony--I foresee working outside when the weather is not quite so steamy. My computer equipment is in--tomorrow I'll go back to get all of that stuff set up and squared away. I did learn that both my classes are full but they are even smaller than I was expecting--so I'll need to make a few more adjustments to my syllabi.
My pre-work anxiety has faded and I'm back to feeling ready to get to it. I just need to actually get ready!
My pre-work anxiety has faded and I'm back to feeling ready to get to it. I just need to actually get ready!
Home Sweet Home
The dust has finally settled. I'm in my new place--by myself. I love my family and appreciate their help, but it is so good to now be able to get things organized the way I want them in peace. The place is really nice--it has a few new construction kinks, but hopefully we can get those solved soon. I have a lot of decorating and unpacking left to do and I can't decide what to tackle first. I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not going to touch a thing today. Instead, I think I'm just going to drive around New School City and go down to campus to scope out my new (albeit temporary) office space. I also need to figure out where my credit union branch is here because I am all tapped out of money in my College Town account. It will hopefully be a good day of exploring--but regardless--it is just good to be home.
On the Move
After several sleepless nights, not enough coffee, and just enough boxes, the packing is finished. Now if the muscle to move it would just show up, I'll be good to go. I'm completely exhausted and anxious--I've been in a terrible mood all week (hence the lack of writing). My mind is going ten million miles per second--not just about the move but mostly about this new position I'm walking into. At times, I think I'm crazy for thinking I'm anywhere near ready for this. I didn't have too many anxiety/imposter-syndrome dreams in grad school, but goodness I am having them now. And of course, now that my graduation invites are printed (just got them today and they are sooo cute), I'm thinking about that other thing again.
But first things first, I gotta get outta here and down to New School City!
But first things first, I gotta get outta here and down to New School City!
Must. Pack. Now.
I don't know why I can't get this packing together! I'm dragging big time over here. That has got to change.
ASAP.
ASAP.
A Balanced Wanderer
| You Are 24% Control Freak |
 You have achieved the perfect balance of control and letting go. You tend to roll with whatever life brings, but you never get complacent. |
| What Your Soul Really Looks Like |
 You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or eve a completely different life. You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it. You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you. Your near future is calm, relaxing, and pretty much what you want. And it's something you've been anticipating for a while now. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust. |
Still Standing *Barely*
No, it is not the ongoing drama of family secrets weighing me down--it is packing. It is moving time. Time for me to get to New School City. The reality of what I need to accomplish this week really set in tonight as I begin pulling my old apartment boxes out of the places they have been tucked away for the past year. The attic, under beds, in the backs of closets, outside in storage--I didn't realize I had so much stuff already tucked away. But truly, I'm really barely standing after the 10 hour shopping bonanza I had with my mother yesterday. 10 full hours in 90+ degree weather and scattered thunderstorms to get the bulk of the furniture and accessories I still needed for my new place. I never knew my mother could outshopped me but she definitely took me to school yesterday. We went all across and around Southern City--I've lived here all my life and there were sides of town I had never seen until yesterday. The damage at the end of the day:
So the major project for the rest of this week will be packing up clothes and books. Unfortunately, I have quite a bit of both of those so it is going to be a long week.
- Loveseat and Chair Sectional
- Coffee Table
- 5 Lamps
- Bathroom Rugs and Decorative Towel Set
- Bathroom Accessories Set
- A snazzy new Blender
- Black 5 drawer Chest
- New pillows
So the major project for the rest of this week will be packing up clothes and books. Unfortunately, I have quite a bit of both of those so it is going to be a long week.
Forward Momentum
My avoidance of "it" has caused me to avoid my blog--I probably shouldn't have written this here because it has definitely fueled my desire to do anything but write. Actually, I haven't done much of anything at all the past few days--much to the dismay of my mother who is an organization freak and can't believe I don't have the moving stuff worked out yet. Given all the stuff I should be doing right now, this just was not a good time to think about these types of family issues. I should feel angry and upset and frustrated, but I think melyssa got right to the meat of the situation--whatever I am feeling, I don't feel comfortable. And I'm not going to do anything that is going to make me feel even more uncomfortable. As Prof Mama picked up on in my post, I don't have any reason to believe my biological father wants any involvement in my life. This is all my Grandma's doing--perhaps with some help from his girlfriend who attends Grandma's church. Regardless of her intentions, right now is not the time for me to be dealing with this--sorry Grandma. I know that at some point in the near future, I would like to get a straight answer about what happened in the past because I've gotten way too old to pretend like all this secrecy is normal. Ragey put it best--All in all, it sounds like the air needs to be cleared. I hope that the air will get cleared before I find myself in a situation like Stewgad. With marriage actually in the picture for the first time in my life, I've been thinking about things like guest lists and I'm already well aware that someone (probably my Grandma) is going to ask this question again. I would like things on the table so that the question either doesn't even get asked or that I have a response that I'm comfortable with.
Dr. J and I talked about my family issues shortly after we met last fall. I was considering making contact with my father because I had learned that I had had a half-brother who had passed away. My whole life had passed without my even knowing that I had a sibling--an older brother at that which I always wanted. He was a musician living one state away from where I went to graduate school. The whole time I was in graduate school, I was just hours away from him and I never knew him--never knew about him. It crushed me when I found out he had died. There's no guarantee that he would have wanted to know me or even meet me, but the fact that I was never given the opportunity to make an attempt really hurt. So for the first time in my life I actually had questions for my father. I had always pretty passively accepted the fact that he didn't want to have anything to do with me, but that whole situation made me realize that there were still important pieces of my family I knew nothing about. The weird thing is that I've always known my other uncles and aunts and cousins from his side of the family, but I just haven't known his branch on the family tree. I was content not knowing because I thought it was just him--but the realization that I could have other siblings kindled a new desire to find out more. The problem has been timing. During the dissertation (when all of this came to light) was not a good time. Now I'm moving and celebrating graduation--not a good time. I know that there is not going to be a "good" time but I hope I can come up with a better time soon. (I greatly appreciate my bloggyfam for helpin me write through this!)
So at some point last night, I was able to do something other than sit around and watch TV and nap. I put in about four hours on that research project, and it felt GREAT to work. I must be evolving because work was never been much of a mood-booster, but it really did the trick last night. Today I woke up with some new energy, went to work, and came home to accomplish quite a bit of relocation stuff that I've been procrastinating on. All my utilities are in order now, I have new numbers, I have my moving truck stuff set up, and in a few minutes I am going to start tackling the bulk of my packing--the home office. Moving forward is a good thing.
Dr. J and I talked about my family issues shortly after we met last fall. I was considering making contact with my father because I had learned that I had had a half-brother who had passed away. My whole life had passed without my even knowing that I had a sibling--an older brother at that which I always wanted. He was a musician living one state away from where I went to graduate school. The whole time I was in graduate school, I was just hours away from him and I never knew him--never knew about him. It crushed me when I found out he had died. There's no guarantee that he would have wanted to know me or even meet me, but the fact that I was never given the opportunity to make an attempt really hurt. So for the first time in my life I actually had questions for my father. I had always pretty passively accepted the fact that he didn't want to have anything to do with me, but that whole situation made me realize that there were still important pieces of my family I knew nothing about. The weird thing is that I've always known my other uncles and aunts and cousins from his side of the family, but I just haven't known his branch on the family tree. I was content not knowing because I thought it was just him--but the realization that I could have other siblings kindled a new desire to find out more. The problem has been timing. During the dissertation (when all of this came to light) was not a good time. Now I'm moving and celebrating graduation--not a good time. I know that there is not going to be a "good" time but I hope I can come up with a better time soon. (I greatly appreciate my bloggyfam for helpin me write through this!)
So at some point last night, I was able to do something other than sit around and watch TV and nap. I put in about four hours on that research project, and it felt GREAT to work. I must be evolving because work was never been much of a mood-booster, but it really did the trick last night. Today I woke up with some new energy, went to work, and came home to accomplish quite a bit of relocation stuff that I've been procrastinating on. All my utilities are in order now, I have new numbers, I have my moving truck stuff set up, and in a few minutes I am going to start tackling the bulk of my packing--the home office. Moving forward is a good thing.
How Would You Feel?
Let's just put it out there--I don't like talking about my feelings. It is a frustrating process. It is uncomfortable because I have no practice in it. Growing up, I was "the listener." Everyone always told me about their issues--and I listened. I was kept abreast of the changing social lives, self-esteem issues, and growing pains of all my high school classmates and most of the girls on my hall freshman year. After that first year of college, I realized I had had enough. It was too much. My open door policy ended and my circle of friends got smaller and smaller. But in reality, I guess it was always small--there were never more than one or two people in my life who I actually felt comfortable sharing my life stories with. And even still, I didn't then, nor do I now, like to talk about my feelings. The crazy thing is that I feel everything--intensely. I'm probably one of the most sensitive people I know. Not sensitive as in every little thing makes me emotional, but when I do feel something, I feel it DEEPLY. But trying to explain/describe/relate/review/reveal those feelings to some one else is just plain frustrating and often feels impossible.
I've been frustrated for the past three days about a simple question my grandmother asked me: How would you feel about sending your "daddy" an invitation to your graduation celebration? I should have seen it coming from a mile away--this same issue came up when I graduated from high school and from college. But I was completely confused when she told me she wanted to ask me something but wasn't sure how to ask me/didn't want to upset me. My immediate fumbled response was that I didn't even have any invitations together but that if I did make some, I'd give her one to give him--or something like that. She let me know that some of my cousins were asking about it--how I would feel about that--and said she thought it was time for folks (meaning my parents) to put aside the past. That I oughtta know him--because after all he is my "daddy." She tried to explain that she was just caught in the middle of "it" and that "it" wasn't my fault. Now that I was grown I could make my own decisions about "it." So she thought it would be a real good thing for me to send him an invitation and to get to know him as it is something that she and "Linda" (the girlfriend?) have wanted for a long time. Ok Grandma. I nodded--I smiled--I left.
I knew I didn't answer her question because I don't know how to even try to express those feelings and that frustrates me to no end. The biggest problem is that I've been living with this unknown "it" all my life--the thing that caused my parents to separate shortly after my birth. I'm twenty-some-odd-years-old, and I still don't know why I've know my biological father--wouldn't even recognize him on the street--because "it" is a secret. "It" happened--and the mystery surrounding "it" makes it hard not to feel like the "it" was me. The hushed tones, the coded language, the lack of responses to my questions--over two decades of living with "it" has left me feeling rather numb. I can't even bring myself to be sad any more. I leave the feelings of anger and confusion to my friends who love me and who wonder how I could not know a man that lives a few miles away from me--a man whose mother I used to stay with every summer and still go see just about every week. I leave the feelings of hurt and resentment to my mother who is suspicious of every man I date because of "it." And I'm left with feeling nothing (or an unidentifiable something)--and feeling it deeply.
I know the fact that the question is staying with me means something. I haven't even talked to Dr. J about it yet--partly because I know he'll put on his therapist hat (one of his many professional skills) and ask me how I feel. I am lucky to have a compassionate man in my life who cares about my feelings. But I guess in this whole situation, I wish someone would just tell me--how should I feel?
I've been frustrated for the past three days about a simple question my grandmother asked me: How would you feel about sending your "daddy" an invitation to your graduation celebration? I should have seen it coming from a mile away--this same issue came up when I graduated from high school and from college. But I was completely confused when she told me she wanted to ask me something but wasn't sure how to ask me/didn't want to upset me. My immediate fumbled response was that I didn't even have any invitations together but that if I did make some, I'd give her one to give him--or something like that. She let me know that some of my cousins were asking about it--how I would feel about that--and said she thought it was time for folks (meaning my parents) to put aside the past. That I oughtta know him--because after all he is my "daddy." She tried to explain that she was just caught in the middle of "it" and that "it" wasn't my fault. Now that I was grown I could make my own decisions about "it." So she thought it would be a real good thing for me to send him an invitation and to get to know him as it is something that she and "Linda" (the girlfriend?) have wanted for a long time. Ok Grandma. I nodded--I smiled--I left.
I knew I didn't answer her question because I don't know how to even try to express those feelings and that frustrates me to no end. The biggest problem is that I've been living with this unknown "it" all my life--the thing that caused my parents to separate shortly after my birth. I'm twenty-some-odd-years-old, and I still don't know why I've know my biological father--wouldn't even recognize him on the street--because "it" is a secret. "It" happened--and the mystery surrounding "it" makes it hard not to feel like the "it" was me. The hushed tones, the coded language, the lack of responses to my questions--over two decades of living with "it" has left me feeling rather numb. I can't even bring myself to be sad any more. I leave the feelings of anger and confusion to my friends who love me and who wonder how I could not know a man that lives a few miles away from me--a man whose mother I used to stay with every summer and still go see just about every week. I leave the feelings of hurt and resentment to my mother who is suspicious of every man I date because of "it." And I'm left with feeling nothing (or an unidentifiable something)--and feeling it deeply.
I know the fact that the question is staying with me means something. I haven't even talked to Dr. J about it yet--partly because I know he'll put on his therapist hat (one of his many professional skills) and ask me how I feel. I am lucky to have a compassionate man in my life who cares about my feelings. But I guess in this whole situation, I wish someone would just tell me--how should I feel?
Friday Poetry
Magnificent Tomorrows
By Haki R. Madhubuti [from Groundwork (1997), Third World Press ]
(For Queen Mother Moore, Karima White, Sonia Sanchez, Mari Evans, Ruby Dee, Assata Shakur, Julia Fields and Janet Sankey)
1.
flames from sun
fire in during rainbow nights.
the women are colors of earth and ocean---
earth as life,
the beginning waters,
magnificent energy.
as the women go, so go the people,
determining mission,
determining possibilities.
stopping the women stops the future.
to understand slavery, feel the eyes of mothers.
there lies hope even in destruction, lies unspeakable horror or
fruitful destiny.
we
are now in the europe of our song,
non-melody with little beat or hope.
current dreams are visionless,
producing behavior absent of greatness.
without important thoughts,
without significant deeds,
the ordinary emerges as accepted example
gluing the women
to kitchens,
afternoon soaps
and the limiting imagination of sightless men.
producing
a people that move with the
quickness of decapitated bodies
while
calling such movement
divine.
possibilities: listen to the wind of women, the voices of big
mama, zora neale, sister rosa, fanny lou, pretty renee, gwen
brooks, queen nzinga and warrior mothers. all birth and
prophecy, black and heart warm, bare and precise. the
women detailing the coming collapse or rise. the best and
bent of youth emerging. telling triumphantly. if we listen, if we
feel & prepare.
there is no love.
if black women do not love,
harmony and sustaining humanity cease.
if black women do not love,
strength disconnects.
families sicken. growth is questionable &
there are few reasons to conquer ideas or foe.
as black women love,
europe gives way to southern meals.
as black women mature,
so come flames from sun,
rainbows at dusk.
sculpture of elizabeth catlett and
music of nina simone.
as womenblack connect,
the earth expands, minds open and books reveal the possible
if we study
if we feel the flow & secrets of our women,
if we listen,
if we concentrate,
if we carefully care,
if we simply do.
By Haki R. Madhubuti [from Groundwork (1997)
(For Queen Mother Moore, Karima White, Sonia Sanchez, Mari Evans, Ruby Dee, Assata Shakur, Julia Fields and Janet Sankey)
1.
flames from sun
fire in during rainbow nights.
the women are colors of earth and ocean---
earth as life,
the beginning waters,
magnificent energy.
as the women go, so go the people,
determining mission,
determining possibilities.
stopping the women stops the future.
to understand slavery, feel the eyes of mothers.
there lies hope even in destruction, lies unspeakable horror or
fruitful destiny.
we
are now in the europe of our song,
non-melody with little beat or hope.
current dreams are visionless,
producing behavior absent of greatness.
2.
without great teachings,without important thoughts,
without significant deeds,
the ordinary emerges as accepted example
gluing the women
to kitchens,
afternoon soaps
and the limiting imagination of sightless men.
producing
a people that move with the
quickness of decapitated bodies
while
calling such movement
divine.
possibilities: listen to the wind of women, the voices of big
mama, zora neale, sister rosa, fanny lou, pretty renee, gwen
brooks, queen nzinga and warrior mothers. all birth and
prophecy, black and heart warm, bare and precise. the
women detailing the coming collapse or rise. the best and
bent of youth emerging. telling triumphantly. if we listen, if we
feel & prepare.
3.
if black women do not love,there is no love.
if black women do not love,
harmony and sustaining humanity cease.
if black women do not love,
strength disconnects.
families sicken. growth is questionable &
there are few reasons to conquer ideas or foe.
as black women love,
europe gives way to southern meals.
as black women mature,
so come flames from sun,
rainbows at dusk.
sculpture of elizabeth catlett and
music of nina simone.
as womenblack connect,
the earth expands, minds open and books reveal the possible
if we study
if we feel the flow & secrets of our women,
if we listen,
if we concentrate,
if we carefully care,
if we simply do.
Oh Yeah, I'm Movin Too
I should have put up a moving counter--perhaps that would have reminded me that I need to make arrangements to get my stuff from point A to point B. I know my family wants to help, but since I do have a moving budget--I wonder if it is too late to hire some folks?? I don't feel like dealing with this move at all. I wish I could just nod my head and my stuff would reappear in New School City. Fat chance.
I received a mountain of paperwork that I need to complete for New School--an additional reminder that I need to get my stuff in order. I don't know why my usual on-the-ball nature has disappeared all of a sudden. Could it be because I REALLY hate moving?!
I received a mountain of paperwork that I need to complete for New School--an additional reminder that I need to get my stuff in order. I don't know why my usual on-the-ball nature has disappeared all of a sudden. Could it be because I REALLY hate moving?!
Are You Serious?
Holiday
Dr. J and I have taken a lot of trips in the short time we've known each other, but we realized that this was really the first time we've gotten away for just us. No conferences, no family obligations, no dissertation stuff involved--just a little touristy holiday for the two of us. Destination: Hotlanta. The trip was full of highlights--I've been wanting to blog about it all day. But of course now that I have the time, I don't have the energy. We checked out the massive new aquarium and watched the Braves beat the Cardinals.There was also some good shoppingand good times with friends. Dr. J pampered me all weekend--I had to be careful about what I said I liked, because moments later there he was gift in hand (one of my favorite being a little stuffed animal--a baby beluga from the aquarium. I couldn't believe they actually had whales in the aquarium--that was definitely impressive to see).
But the two best highlights of the trip were definitely sleeping and shopping. Sleeping on a Heavenly Bed was truly an experience. I've never slept so well at a hotel. Even Dr. J was knocked out, and he has a tendency to toss and turn in foreign places. We didn't make it to the pool--that was the one big thing on our list (other than chicken and waffles) that we didn't get to do--and it was largely because we slept in every day. But I truly thought I was in heaven when Dr. J took me ring shopping. We talked about rings before--we talk about weddings and marriage a LOT--but this was our first time in a few stores together. I knew that there were certain things I didn't like--I don't like yellow gold or solitaires or rings that are too high or wide because my fingers are so small. But I learned that my eye is drawn to more vintage looking rings and we saw some really nice ones. I found my dream ring--a $14,000 antique style ring with an asscher cut diamond--but goodness knows I had no idea the ring cost that much when I tried it on!! After I got my head out of the clouds, I had a great time with Dr. J just dreaming of the things that are to come for us in the near future. I miss him terribly already but it was so good to have this little getaway before the business of school starts up.
Summer R & R
This was definitely a week I have to put in the "Loss" column. Way too high in stress and moodiness--way too low in fun and productivity. I also didn't get much sleep this week. Tossed and turned so much last night that I finally just got up and read a book (which was pretty good). But even though I had another night of less that five hours of sleep, I felt really good when I got up this morning. Why? Because I'm going on a mini-vacation!!
My beautiful Dr. J has been wanting us to take a summer vacation for some time now. I have been wanting the same, but with my funny money and the upcoming move, I wasn't ready to think about that yet. I was thinking we'd take a nice break after I moved. Well, Dr. J 's family is going to the Northeast for the 4th and some of my family is in Africa so we're not doing our usual BBQ in the hot sun until after they get back next week. So I was planning to go visit Dr. J in University Town--just to see him and keep him company so he wouldn't be up there all by himself on the holiday. Well at some point around the latest flood, he pitched the idea of going to Very Cool Metro City. Given my bad mood earlier this week, I really didn't care where we went as long as I got to see him--that's all I've been needing all week. But the more we talked about it, the more excited we both got and a two day trip has turned into a four day last-minute vacation. Even though Very Cool Metro City is around the corner from both of us, we've decided to go and be complete tourists. We have tickets for the most popular new attraction in town, and we have plans to catch a baseball game. We'll be doing some major shopping at one of the best malls in the Southeast and eating some good food at places like this that we don't get to go to often. To top it all of, we are not staying in one of our usual hotels--we are treating ourselves to a true vacation hotel. Some of Dr. J's friends from his department will be in town as well so it'll be cool to go out with them--we all had fun at the beach last month. I'm really really excited and glad we turned this into the summer vacation. I have big plans for the hotel pool on Monday!
I think this is what I should be doing with the rest of my summer right? Enjoying myself. There will be plenty of time for work later. I am taking Stewgad's advice and really rethinking my compulsive desire to work all the time. It might be good if I just--oh--actually have a summer for once!
My beautiful Dr. J has been wanting us to take a summer vacation for some time now. I have been wanting the same, but with my funny money and the upcoming move, I wasn't ready to think about that yet. I was thinking we'd take a nice break after I moved. Well, Dr. J 's family is going to the Northeast for the 4th and some of my family is in Africa so we're not doing our usual BBQ in the hot sun until after they get back next week. So I was planning to go visit Dr. J in University Town--just to see him and keep him company so he wouldn't be up there all by himself on the holiday. Well at some point around the latest flood, he pitched the idea of going to Very Cool Metro City. Given my bad mood earlier this week, I really didn't care where we went as long as I got to see him--that's all I've been needing all week. But the more we talked about it, the more excited we both got and a two day trip has turned into a four day last-minute vacation. Even though Very Cool Metro City is around the corner from both of us, we've decided to go and be complete tourists. We have tickets for the most popular new attraction in town, and we have plans to catch a baseball game. We'll be doing some major shopping at one of the best malls in the Southeast and eating some good food at places like this that we don't get to go to often. To top it all of, we are not staying in one of our usual hotels--we are treating ourselves to a true vacation hotel. Some of Dr. J's friends from his department will be in town as well so it'll be cool to go out with them--we all had fun at the beach last month. I'm really really excited and glad we turned this into the summer vacation. I have big plans for the hotel pool on Monday!
I think this is what I should be doing with the rest of my summer right? Enjoying myself. There will be plenty of time for work later. I am taking Stewgad's advice and really rethinking my compulsive desire to work all the time. It might be good if I just--oh--actually have a summer for once!
In Progress
Today was extra long. I ended up staying up extra late last night--had a gutwrenching conversation with Dr. J about my personal feelings of inadequacy (hence the posts from the blogfam about body image issues really struck a cord). I have never had a weight issue per se--but I'm incredibly out of shape and have grown through all types of issues about my body--especially my skin and my hair. Like many things, my acceptance of me is a work in progress, and the perfectionist in me means it is always a struggle. I didn't realize how personal these issues were to me until I tried to post a response, and I couldn't. Maybe a little bit at a time--later.
The house on a sea mess took an interesting twist today. I came home for lunch to find a team from the city cleaning out all the drains around and behind our property. That's good news, but I'm pissed. The crew "leader" came up to me and told me that the "big ol pipe in the ditch" behind our house was full to the brim with debris. (Thanks Sherlock). What pissed me off was that he attempted to "scold" me and said something like, "y'all shoulda just called the city when it first started backing up so we coulda come out here and clean it for you--next time, just call us right away." You know I hate to confirm stereotypes about Black women, but I had to roll my neck on that man. I said, "Excuse me? We have called the city every time this happens since last YEAR--as in last August." He quickly began to backpedal saying that they weren't sure at first that it belonged to them or the railroad company--but now that they've been out to clean it, all we need to do is call him (he gave me his name), and they'll come out right away. Now it ticks me off because they are trying to backtrack and clean up their mess after significant damage has been done. I know that the TVreporter called the city and asked what they were going to do about the problem--so I feel like someone is suddenly trying to cover tracks. But somebody needs to fix this damage done to the house, and I don't like the feeling that they are going to say "well we cleaned out the drains--that's not our problem." Argh. The drama continues.
The meme is in progress as well. Possible questions:
How did you survive grad school financially?
How did you figure out you were in the right program?
How did faculty members help you survive?
Did your intimate relationships survive while you were in school?
(For those with families) How did you maintain a healthy family life during school?
How did you keep your head above water during coursework? During exams? During your thesis?
What did you do outside of school to keep your sanity?
How did you survive balancing coursework with teaching or research responsibilities?
When did you realize you were actually going to succeed?
What comfort food/music/TV show helped you make it through?
What bad habit did you have to pick up to make?
What was the best piece of advice you received before or during grad school?
Was there anything you were told about grad school that you didn't believe was true until it happened to you?
If you had to do it all over again--would you? What one thing would you HAVE to do differently?
Any more suggestions before I post the official version?
The house on a sea mess took an interesting twist today. I came home for lunch to find a team from the city cleaning out all the drains around and behind our property. That's good news, but I'm pissed. The crew "leader" came up to me and told me that the "big ol pipe in the ditch" behind our house was full to the brim with debris. (Thanks Sherlock). What pissed me off was that he attempted to "scold" me and said something like, "y'all shoulda just called the city when it first started backing up so we coulda come out here and clean it for you--next time, just call us right away." You know I hate to confirm stereotypes about Black women, but I had to roll my neck on that man. I said, "Excuse me? We have called the city every time this happens since last YEAR--as in last August." He quickly began to backpedal saying that they weren't sure at first that it belonged to them or the railroad company--but now that they've been out to clean it, all we need to do is call him (he gave me his name), and they'll come out right away. Now it ticks me off because they are trying to backtrack and clean up their mess after significant damage has been done. I know that the TVreporter called the city and asked what they were going to do about the problem--so I feel like someone is suddenly trying to cover tracks. But somebody needs to fix this damage done to the house, and I don't like the feeling that they are going to say "well we cleaned out the drains--that's not our problem." Argh. The drama continues.
The meme is in progress as well. Possible questions:
How did you survive grad school financially?
How did you figure out you were in the right program?
How did faculty members help you survive?
Did your intimate relationships survive while you were in school?
(For those with families) How did you maintain a healthy family life during school?
How did you keep your head above water during coursework? During exams? During your thesis?
What did you do outside of school to keep your sanity?
How did you survive balancing coursework with teaching or research responsibilities?
When did you realize you were actually going to succeed?
What comfort food/music/TV show helped you make it through?
What bad habit did you have to pick up to make?
What was the best piece of advice you received before or during grad school?
Was there anything you were told about grad school that you didn't believe was true until it happened to you?
If you had to do it all over again--would you? What one thing would you HAVE to do differently?
Any more suggestions before I post the official version?
Issues
Given my current bloated and irritated-with-life state, I can't adequately respond to this issue or this response, but both struck a cord with me. I just haven't been able to get my head together to write all day.
I'm still not a celebrity--there is still no resolution on this water mess.
But I have had a nice email conversation with a woman who found my blog who has grad school questions. I like feeling like I'm helping someone through this process and when I get some more writing energy, I would love to come up with a new meme and I want everyone to tell their stories about how they made it through grad school. If you have some good questions for the meme--let me know!
I'm still not a celebrity--there is still no resolution on this water mess.
But I have had a nice email conversation with a woman who found my blog who has grad school questions. I like feeling like I'm helping someone through this process and when I get some more writing energy, I would love to come up with a new meme and I want everyone to tell their stories about how they made it through grad school. If you have some good questions for the meme--let me know!
Long Yucky Day
Argh.
I've been up since 7AM--yeah, me. The problem that ruined the AC system at our house reared its ugly head again. This morning I woke up to a heavy rain which meant once again spending hours trying to contact someone to fix this problem:
The beige murky stuff featured here is water. Lots of water. Water that goes under the house and ruins things like AC ducts. Where is the water coming from? A drainage ditch that runs behind my house--a ditch that has been backing up since I moved back down here. The problem is that no one seems to want to claim responsibility for cleaning this thing. Trying to find a remedy has done nothing but take up time while the problem gets worse. All the water must be pushing more debris into the drain because the water in the yard gets higher and higher every time it rains. It is especially worse by the side of the house:
This is a shot from me holding my camera in the air--looking down at the space between my house and the neighbor's. There is this cheesy 2.5-3 ft cement wall between our property--the water was more than halfway up the wall this morning--usually by the time the water gets to the side of our house it is only a couple of inches.
So this mess started my morning. Making me very late for work and very cranky. Feelings that were only compounded by the killer cramps that struck when I was nowhere near any heavy medication. After work, I went to tutor my girls and discovered that they had not done ANY reading since the last time I saw them (Thursday). Little Miss Violet finally finished an essay that she's been working on all week, and I was just appalled at her written response. Maybe my standards are too high, but I know that a high school student should be able to develop a simple 5 paragraph essay with an introduction, body, and conclusion. Apparently not.
When I finally finished with the girls, I headed to the candy store for some retail therapy. Picked up my favorite Tyler Perry play (ok so it's the only one I've seen live but I laughed more than ever that night), and I'm going to watch it tonight and laugh this long yucky day away.
In the midst of this long post, the local news team called--they are interested in doing a story on the flooding--I sent them pictures this morning in an effort to get some type of help. I may be on TV!
I've been up since 7AM--yeah, me. The problem that ruined the AC system at our house reared its ugly head again. This morning I woke up to a heavy rain which meant once again spending hours trying to contact someone to fix this problem:
The beige murky stuff featured here is water. Lots of water. Water that goes under the house and ruins things like AC ducts. Where is the water coming from? A drainage ditch that runs behind my house--a ditch that has been backing up since I moved back down here. The problem is that no one seems to want to claim responsibility for cleaning this thing. Trying to find a remedy has done nothing but take up time while the problem gets worse. All the water must be pushing more debris into the drain because the water in the yard gets higher and higher every time it rains. It is especially worse by the side of the house:
This is a shot from me holding my camera in the air--looking down at the space between my house and the neighbor's. There is this cheesy 2.5-3 ft cement wall between our property--the water was more than halfway up the wall this morning--usually by the time the water gets to the side of our house it is only a couple of inches.So this mess started my morning. Making me very late for work and very cranky. Feelings that were only compounded by the killer cramps that struck when I was nowhere near any heavy medication. After work, I went to tutor my girls and discovered that they had not done ANY reading since the last time I saw them (Thursday). Little Miss Violet finally finished an essay that she's been working on all week, and I was just appalled at her written response. Maybe my standards are too high, but I know that a high school student should be able to develop a simple 5 paragraph essay with an introduction, body, and conclusion. Apparently not.
When I finally finished with the girls, I headed to the candy store for some retail therapy. Picked up my favorite Tyler Perry play (ok so it's the only one I've seen live but I laughed more than ever that night), and I'm going to watch it tonight and laugh this long yucky day away.
In the midst of this long post, the local news team called--they are interested in doing a story on the flooding--I sent them pictures this morning in an effort to get some type of help. I may be on TV!
Late Start
It is a little later in the evening than I had planned to work. But I think I'm going to put a couple hours into this research project before I go to bed. I think.
Get It Together
And like that--poof--Dr. J is back in University Town. I'm going through all the usual emotions, while trying my best to be grateful for the time we had together this week.
Tomorrow is Monday. My first truly completely-free-of-dissertation-life Monday. I have all these things I would like to get done before classes start, but I am finding the only thing I have energy for is reading books. Non-school related books. So I have to really get it together this week and get back on the grind of doing some school work. Just a couple of hours a day at least.
I've really been dragging my feet about this book chapter. That's what I need to get back into first and foremost--ideally before I move in a few weeks. The book chapter project started as a conference paper/research study that I conducted with my advisor. I did most of the writing and all of the research for the project, and it was well received at our conference. However, we were slammed when we sent it off to a journal. I didn't think it was ready to go off but advisor pushed--and the reviewers pushed right back. There were a lot of problems with the article--one major problem being that we tried to do too much in a little space. So I now need to go through and turn this one piece into two. The book chapter piece is going to focus on pedagogy and Black women's studies. The other piece (which will probably go back to another journal) will focus on an analysis of a particular research aspect of Black women's studies. The book chapter is more pressing because it has already been accepted and has a firm deadline. But because, originally, the pedagogy section was written to apply the research discussion, it is going to be hard work to give it the legs to stand on its own. I really haven't figured out how to do that yet, but I know we can't stuff everything we have now into this book chapter--it won't fit the theme of the book.
It would be a lot easier to do the revised research article at this point. My "scholarly voice" is a lot stronger right now concerning the need for studies that incorporate considerations of race AND gender. But I'm a little more removed from the perspective of the classroom that informed our study when we first began. I need to get back to that space. To remember why Black women's studies were so important for my development as a person and as a student. I think I'm going to spend some time really reading this study this week over and over again. It may end up being that I need to work on both the article and the book chapter at the same time so that I can better identify which pieces of the research need to go where. I feel like we have all the components for both--but it is going to take tremendous energy to really reorganize and rewrite these pieces and get them together. I wish that I didn't have to do that bulk of this work. But it must be done. Soon.
Tomorrow is Monday. My first truly completely-free-of-dissertation-life Monday. I have all these things I would like to get done before classes start, but I am finding the only thing I have energy for is reading books. Non-school related books. So I have to really get it together this week and get back on the grind of doing some school work. Just a couple of hours a day at least.
I've really been dragging my feet about this book chapter. That's what I need to get back into first and foremost--ideally before I move in a few weeks. The book chapter project started as a conference paper/research study that I conducted with my advisor. I did most of the writing and all of the research for the project, and it was well received at our conference. However, we were slammed when we sent it off to a journal. I didn't think it was ready to go off but advisor pushed--and the reviewers pushed right back. There were a lot of problems with the article--one major problem being that we tried to do too much in a little space. So I now need to go through and turn this one piece into two. The book chapter piece is going to focus on pedagogy and Black women's studies. The other piece (which will probably go back to another journal) will focus on an analysis of a particular research aspect of Black women's studies. The book chapter is more pressing because it has already been accepted and has a firm deadline. But because, originally, the pedagogy section was written to apply the research discussion, it is going to be hard work to give it the legs to stand on its own. I really haven't figured out how to do that yet, but I know we can't stuff everything we have now into this book chapter--it won't fit the theme of the book.
It would be a lot easier to do the revised research article at this point. My "scholarly voice" is a lot stronger right now concerning the need for studies that incorporate considerations of race AND gender. But I'm a little more removed from the perspective of the classroom that informed our study when we first began. I need to get back to that space. To remember why Black women's studies were so important for my development as a person and as a student. I think I'm going to spend some time really reading this study this week over and over again. It may end up being that I need to work on both the article and the book chapter at the same time so that I can better identify which pieces of the research need to go where. I feel like we have all the components for both--but it is going to take tremendous energy to really reorganize and rewrite these pieces and get them together. I wish that I didn't have to do that bulk of this work. But it must be done. Soon.
Now It is Really Official
Boy that was fast--here is the email I received today:
Mon,Woohoo! I'm on my way to New School City with Dr. J to have dinner with his mom and aunt--I think we'll do a little more celebrating there!!
The final copy of your thesis has been reviewed, and I am pleased to report that everything is in order. You need do nothing further for our office.
Your thesis will remain here in the Graduate School until after commencement, when it will be sent to University Library to be microfilmed, bound, and added to the library collection.
Please accept our congratulations as you complete your degree!
Dreamin
As Tuesday ended, I curled up with a book and tried to relax from a long and busy day. But I couldn't relax. I was full of anticipation for the night to pass--because the morning would bring Dr. J. I was a bit like a child waiting for Christmas while I was at work yesterday morning, and I almost couldn't stand the wait. I could only bounce around and laugh and smile and cry when I finally saw him yesterday--like a little one waiting to see a long anticipated movie about cars.
We had a truly wonderful day yesterday, and I'm so glad he's around for a few days. I always feel like I'm living in a dream when we're together. It is as if the rest of the world melts away. After dinner, we took a nice long walk in a really wooded park. Sitting under the thick canopy of trees, we dreamed together about our home together in the future, about our work, about the whirlwind that this relationship has been. Sometimes it just feels like it shouldn't be true. Like any moment I'm going to wake up. But the beauty is that it is real--that I do finally have someone in my life to share my dreams and my innermost thoughts with. Someone who I look forward to seeing every day and winding down with every night.
Today I'm just dreaming of the time (that I know is coming soon) when Dr. J and I are actually living in the same place and truly building a new life together. I love these days we have together, and I'm definitely going to enjoy the rest of this week, but I'm dreaming of more to come.
We had a truly wonderful day yesterday, and I'm so glad he's around for a few days. I always feel like I'm living in a dream when we're together. It is as if the rest of the world melts away. After dinner, we took a nice long walk in a really wooded park. Sitting under the thick canopy of trees, we dreamed together about our home together in the future, about our work, about the whirlwind that this relationship has been. Sometimes it just feels like it shouldn't be true. Like any moment I'm going to wake up. But the beauty is that it is real--that I do finally have someone in my life to share my dreams and my innermost thoughts with. Someone who I look forward to seeing every day and winding down with every night.
Today I'm just dreaming of the time (that I know is coming soon) when Dr. J and I are actually living in the same place and truly building a new life together. I love these days we have together, and I'm definitely going to enjoy the rest of this week, but I'm dreaming of more to come.
An Official Kinda Day
1. I'm too proud of Professor Me, PhD for doin the dang thing and defending for her degree!! I am too happy to be mad that we didn't get a warning so we could wait in anticipation all day. Proud of you girl!!
2. My dissertation is officially off to the Graduate School!! It feels great to be really really done. I feel like I can truly move on to the other academic work I need to get done before school starts.
3. I ordered my academic regalia today. I stopped into a random alteration shop to get measured and ended up having a funny conversation with the tailor(ess?) who was all in my business. I had an email with the measurements I needed which happened to include the price of the gown--she advised that I was paying way too much for a college graduation robe. Then I explained it was for a PhD, and she just about threw me a party in the store! She was so excited and asked me a million questions about my program and marveled a great deal at the fact that I look so young. But it was fun. She even asked me for advice for her daughter who is considering graduate work.
4. I sent my formal request to the Graduate School to notify my department in New School City that I had completed all the requirements for the degree. I think that was my favorite part of the day.
It is cooler here (because of the new window unit), but the AC is still very much out and looks like it will be for a while--given the estimate we got for the damage today. But I'm just glad it is cooler in here than it is out there.
2. My dissertation is officially off to the Graduate School!! It feels great to be really really done. I feel like I can truly move on to the other academic work I need to get done before school starts.
3. I ordered my academic regalia today. I stopped into a random alteration shop to get measured and ended up having a funny conversation with the tailor(ess?) who was all in my business. I had an email with the measurements I needed which happened to include the price of the gown--she advised that I was paying way too much for a college graduation robe. Then I explained it was for a PhD, and she just about threw me a party in the store! She was so excited and asked me a million questions about my program and marveled a great deal at the fact that I look so young. But it was fun. She even asked me for advice for her daughter who is considering graduate work.
4. I sent my formal request to the Graduate School to notify my department in New School City that I had completed all the requirements for the degree. I think that was my favorite part of the day.
It is cooler here (because of the new window unit), but the AC is still very much out and looks like it will be for a while--given the estimate we got for the damage today. But I'm just glad it is cooler in here than it is out there.
Summer Heat
Due to a number of reasons that could only be told in a very long story that will likely end in someone being sued--there is no air condition in my house.
It has kept me out of the house and away from the computer quite a bit since Saturday. I did manage to finish my corrections, and I've returned from hiding to print out the final diss copy. I really just want to nap, but there is a repair-friend here putting in a new window unit. A temporary solution to the problem--just until my mother can figure out what she wants to do about the $1000s of damage to the house that resulted in the total destruction of the central AC system. We had talked about putting the house in my name and allowing me to keep it as rental property--but these continued issues in a declining neighborhood will likely mean a "SALE" sign will be up after I move to New School City. But since I'm home in a warm house, I might as well do this last piece of dissertation business.
It has kept me out of the house and away from the computer quite a bit since Saturday. I did manage to finish my corrections, and I've returned from hiding to print out the final diss copy. I really just want to nap, but there is a repair-friend here putting in a new window unit. A temporary solution to the problem--just until my mother can figure out what she wants to do about the $1000s of damage to the house that resulted in the total destruction of the central AC system. We had talked about putting the house in my name and allowing me to keep it as rental property--but these continued issues in a declining neighborhood will likely mean a "SALE" sign will be up after I move to New School City. But since I'm home in a warm house, I might as well do this last piece of dissertation business.
New Saturday
I love when I wake up feeling the newness of a day. I woke up a little earlier than I wanted to--around 9AM to my mother's loud voice on the phone. But I did slid right back into a great sleep and woke up a little more naturally not too long ago. I feel reenergized--cleansed from the ugliness of yesterday--looking forward to the great promise in today.
I greatly appreciate Texter for pointing out an important component of my diss abstract that was missing. I must have been thinking about it in my sleep because I woke up with a sentence in my head that I had to put down right away. Of course, now the abstract is a few words too long so I'll have to spend a little time editing today before I can print out the final diss--for good.
While I do have an itch to do some home shopping today, I'll probably stay in and get this final draft ready to go and enjoy another book or a movie. I also really need to finishing rereading Things Fall Apart. I don't remember when I read it the first time, but having taken a class on African women writers since, the images of women are so much more striking to me during this read-through. I think I must have read it for the first time during high school when I was really getting into Africana literature (on my own time of course--we didn't read any Black books in school). I was soaking up everything I could. I do remember feeling impressed by the emotional responses I had to the characters in this cultural context that I really knew nothing about--I wondered how a writer "did that." Now I still wonder the same things, but I try to pay more attention to the writing. I'm particularly cognizant of this now that I'm done with the diss and thinking about ways to revise it for publication. On the one hand, I want to put it in a box, mail it off, and not look at it for a while. On the other hand, I want to go back again and read it over and over again as a reader--to figure out where it really works and find the parts I really love--and then rewrite it as a writer--to strengthen my voice and ideas in the work and to continue to shape it into a compelling narrative for my audience(s).
I greatly appreciate Texter for pointing out an important component of my diss abstract that was missing. I must have been thinking about it in my sleep because I woke up with a sentence in my head that I had to put down right away. Of course, now the abstract is a few words too long so I'll have to spend a little time editing today before I can print out the final diss--for good.
While I do have an itch to do some home shopping today, I'll probably stay in and get this final draft ready to go and enjoy another book or a movie. I also really need to finishing rereading Things Fall Apart. I don't remember when I read it the first time, but having taken a class on African women writers since, the images of women are so much more striking to me during this read-through. I think I must have read it for the first time during high school when I was really getting into Africana literature (on my own time of course--we didn't read any Black books in school). I was soaking up everything I could. I do remember feeling impressed by the emotional responses I had to the characters in this cultural context that I really knew nothing about--I wondered how a writer "did that." Now I still wonder the same things, but I try to pay more attention to the writing. I'm particularly cognizant of this now that I'm done with the diss and thinking about ways to revise it for publication. On the one hand, I want to put it in a box, mail it off, and not look at it for a while. On the other hand, I want to go back again and read it over and over again as a reader--to figure out where it really works and find the parts I really love--and then rewrite it as a writer--to strengthen my voice and ideas in the work and to continue to shape it into a compelling narrative for my audience(s).
Tryin' My Nerves
You know what. I need to air this abstract out for a while. So I'm going to give Yvette a little of what she wants and post it while. Maybe seeing it in something other than MS Word will help me get over whatever this mental hump is. (I of course would covet some feedback). I'll leave it up until at least tomorrow.
The Abstract
**Under Construction**
Thanks for the feedback!
The Abstract
**Under Construction**
Thanks for the feedback!
Friday Poetry Blues
Something bluesy to fit my mood.
The Laying Down Blues by Wanda Coleman
sometimes i get the blues and want to lay down
morning comes like fifty men with clubs---all on my heart
sometimes i get the blues and want to lay down
my lover laughs at me and splits my world apart
sometimes i get the blues and want to lay down
never get up out of bed again
that's the time i push sorrow aside, get up before
the mirror, force a grin
sometimes i get the blues and go south town
night comes on like fifty whores out frying meat
sometimes i get the blues and go south town
for a lil' barbeque and a friend to eat
sometimes i get the blues and want to lay down
all my troubles in the bed of the police
that's the time i think of prison bars/gray
endless dawn with no release
sometimes i get the blues and want to lay down
take it to the beach and spread it all across the sand
sometimes i get the blues and want to lay down
take it to Congress and spread it all across the land
sometimes i get the blues and want to lay down
let a draught of phenol make my end
that's the time i push sorrow aside
get up before the mirror. force a grin
Available from: Literature Online
The Laying Down Blues by Wanda Coleman
sometimes i get the blues and want to lay down
morning comes like fifty men with clubs---all on my heart
sometimes i get the blues and want to lay down
my lover laughs at me and splits my world apart
sometimes i get the blues and want to lay down
never get up out of bed again
that's the time i push sorrow aside, get up before
the mirror, force a grin
the corporate man don't have no time for love
he's banking body on the dotted line
a contract, the merger's tight
he's got a plane to catch
never mix business with business
sometimes i get the blues and go south town
night comes on like fifty whores out frying meat
sometimes i get the blues and go south town
for a lil' barbeque and a friend to eat
sometimes i get the blues and want to lay down
all my troubles in the bed of the police
that's the time i think of prison bars/gray
endless dawn with no release
the artist man don't have no time for love
he's banking booty on the game of fame
a contract, the money's tight
he's got a snatch to plane
pleasure is as pleasure does
(money cums, quoth the simp)
sometimes i get the blues and want to lay down
take it to the beach and spread it all across the sand
sometimes i get the blues and want to lay down
take it to Congress and spread it all across the land
sometimes i get the blues and want to lay down
let a draught of phenol make my end
that's the time i push sorrow aside
get up before the mirror. force a grin
Available from: Literature Online
Awful Friday
Yesterday ended on a poor night. Well actually it was around 1AM so today started on a poor note. I became suddenly violently ill last night--something that I had eaten during the day staged a mutiny in my stomach. It was absolutely dreadful. And this keeps happening randomly, but I am yet to discover the common denominator.
I was finally able to crawl into bed and wake up in time to go to work. On my way in, I made a call to the property manager at my place. I have been playing phone tag with them since my visit to New School City last Saturday, trying to get my move-in date nailed down. Finally, I got an answer--the builder is a little behind and they won't have the keys until July 17th. As that is a weekday and I have family coming down to help me get settled in--that isn't going to work. So we pushed the move back to the 22nd. A little disappointment there but at least I'm still moving in July right? Well yes and no. My not so good morning got worse when I informed Dr. J of the new date and he says, "Oh well that sucks." I, being completely oblivious, agreed saying that I had really hoped to be in earlier but it was okay. Dr. J of course meant that it was the weekend of his family reunion--the one we've been planning to go to for months--the one he's already paid for me to attend. Great. I'm a jerk. I completely forgot about the reunion. My mother has been nagging me every day to get this move-in date settled so I really just didn't have my mind on anything else. I just hate disappointing Dr. J, and this is all adding to my feelings of feeling bad today. I was going to try to get this diss finished and printed out today but that is not happening. I think I'm going to just curl up with my Tijuana blanket and call it a day.
UPDATE: Feeling better. Thanks for the well wishes and good advice on the food diary--I really need to do that. I read a good book this evening and that helped. And I have a "date" with Dr. J tonight!!
I was finally able to crawl into bed and wake up in time to go to work. On my way in, I made a call to the property manager at my place. I have been playing phone tag with them since my visit to New School City last Saturday, trying to get my move-in date nailed down. Finally, I got an answer--the builder is a little behind and they won't have the keys until July 17th. As that is a weekday and I have family coming down to help me get settled in--that isn't going to work. So we pushed the move back to the 22nd. A little disappointment there but at least I'm still moving in July right? Well yes and no. My not so good morning got worse when I informed Dr. J of the new date and he says, "Oh well that sucks." I, being completely oblivious, agreed saying that I had really hoped to be in earlier but it was okay. Dr. J of course meant that it was the weekend of his family reunion--the one we've been planning to go to for months--the one he's already paid for me to attend. Great. I'm a jerk. I completely forgot about the reunion. My mother has been nagging me every day to get this move-in date settled so I really just didn't have my mind on anything else. I just hate disappointing Dr. J, and this is all adding to my feelings of feeling bad today. I was going to try to get this diss finished and printed out today but that is not happening. I think I'm going to just curl up with my Tijuana blanket and call it a day.
UPDATE: Feeling better. Thanks for the well wishes and good advice on the food diary--I really need to do that. I read a good book this evening and that helped. And I have a "date" with Dr. J tonight!!
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