I had a wonderful trip through the mountains to see Dr. J in University Town. On the way, I saw wild mountain goats for the first time and they were a good omen to a weekend of fun with my fiance. It was weird that it was the first time I'd seen him since the proposal/graduation weekend--but it was good and long overdue.
Since I returned to Gorgeous City late Monday night (a week ago now), I've been on a downward spiral emotionally. Every day it has been a little harder to get out of bed. A little harder to grade papers. A little harder to go to campus on time. Today I think I hit rock bottom. My house is a mess which well reflects how I'm feeling inside. I'm incredibly frustrated and overwhelmed at the moment by the distance in the relationship. It is hard to motivate myself to go to bridal events or call locations and vendors when I can't share these moments with Dr. J. I spent the last week throwing myself into school-related activities--keeping busy at every possible moment just to help time pass before Dr. J is in town again. But every activity I attended I was reminded that I wasn't sharing the moment with the one person I wanted to.
Today was my work-at-home day and unfortunately the solitude brought on this ocean of emotions that I just can't seem to swim my way out of. I'm trying to hang on until Dr. J arrives in a few days, but it makes me feel even more hopeless and pitiful that I can't seem to keep myself afloat alone.
Today was a low low moment in the generally high, happy, and positive love story of Dr. John and Dr. Mon. (At least on this end--Dr. J had a great day and I'm so proud of him for overcoming some IRB holdups for his diss). Unfortuantely, days like today make me feel like maybe I didn't make the best professional decision--maybe I'm in the wrong place--and maybe I'm not going to make it to a March 2008 wedding date without going crazy!
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6 comments:
I'm sorry, Mon. I wish I had some helpful advice... Hang in there!
Same here...so sorry you are feeling so down. {{{{{ HUGS }}}}}
Argh. I can't imagine how hard it must be, emotionally and physically, to plan a wedding when you're so far apart.
Hang in there. Happier days are ahead!
Sorry you are feeling so low. I hope today goes better.
Thanks for the encouraging words all. I do feel better today. I think I just needed a good cry and a good whine. (And I have too much work today to be sad).
Prof. Me--Dr. J and I would be married already if we were in the same place. We are definitely both very ready. Very. But. The chances of us living in the same place before the 2008-09 school year are slim to none and neither of us wants to be married and apart. We keep talking about eloping though but I just can't imagine being married and living several states apart. If something major changes professionally (which is possible) that puts us closer sooner, then we probably will move the date up. But we're kinda in wait and see mode right now.
Hi Dr. Mon... I discovered your blog last week and I made a point to read all the postings from the beginning. I am really in awe with all the things you have accomplished and can't help feeling proud of you (without even knowing you, :))
Really great inspirational blog!! Hang in there about the long distance relationship... You have been following your bliss so far and I believe you will be able to continue! Don't give up!
P.S: Thanks for some great reading suggestions!!
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