Recovery: My mind, body, and spirit are going to be in a state of recovery all week--at least. I think I put in something like 80 hours on the diss since I got the new on Tuesday. What I didn't realize until yesterday was that I was operating on autopilot. Yesterday, when I took that shower it felt like the first shower I'd taken ever--for the first time I could actually feel warmth--I could feel relaxed. Being in a state of concentrated energy all week was not fun. I couldn't enjoy Dr. J, I couldn't enjoy the frilly coffee drinks I kept buying one after the other, I couldn't even enjoy the fact that my mother was being helpful. And I definitely didn't enjoy writing. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday were the worst days of "hell week"--seriously. It was so bad that I don't want to revisit them because it was like I was not myself at ALL. It was largely because there were these pieces--the introduction, the new preface, and the conclusion that remained in a perpetual state of "undoneness." But once I finished the introduction Thursday night and read through it Friday morning and saw that it was actually better--the tide changed. Thursday night I had decided that I would just cut the new preface because it was getting nowhere faster and faster and faster. I threw a Hail Mary email pass to my undergraduate mentor asking her to look at the preface before I chucked it. She sent me a great response Friday and I decided to keep the preface.
Friday--into much of Saturday morning--was a day of acceptance, prayer, and letting go. I woke up with a good spirit and by the time I put in the first 12 hours of my working day on Friday, I felt like I could see things coming together. I worked up a new preface Friday night which my mom and Dr. J both love. It is currently the only piece of my project that sounds like me and I wish I could post it for my blog-fam because I think even you would say--yeah that's Mon. I worked all the way up until 11AM Saturday morning mostly because my footnotes started acting up and I wanted to feel like I had looked over the entire project at least once before I sent it off. Unfortunately, the conclusion got the short end of the stick on my long workday, but I am hoping that since the document is so long they won't really read the conclusion anyway.
So now that is over, I am re-experiencing the world around me. I look forward to seeing my family for dinner today--it'll be the first Sunday in two weeks that I'll be able to enjoy their presence and enjoy some good food without being sick or without having the dissertation on my mind.
Normalcy: And now that the diss is in the mail I get to experience doing normal things again. I'm going to get some new contacts tomorrow. I am going to finally get my oil changed on my car. I am going to get my hair cut. I am going to listen to my voicemail and actually call people back. I am going to see my best friend. I am going to clean up this house. I am going to go SHOPPING. And I am going to read for pleasure (Dr. J says that shouldn't be on the list). I've already started James Patterson--Mary, Mary. I've never read Patterson before but the books are always checked out at the library so I thought I'd give it a shot--so far it is just what I need right now--a good quick "whodunit." It is so nice to feel like I'm going to just have a normal week. Next week Dr. J and I are going on vacation (well he's going to a conference, I'm just tagging along to lounge around the beach). And I look forward to prepare for my defense with some good "boat drinks."
Anticipation: For better or worse though, the anticipation for the defense is already starting to build. I am not looking forward to reading this draft again, but I have to see it as my readers will see it. I fear all the mistakes I will find. I don't want to be reminded of the weaknesses of this process and I definitely don't want to read the Lifetime Movie Ending Conclusion I submitted. (If you've never watched a Lifetime Movie--and trust me I've seen enough to say this as fact--the endings are always hasty and unsatisfactory.) I've gotten no feedback from the CoChairs on the nature of the defense--what I'm supposed to do/not do--so I'm anticipating that whole experience with an anxiety I've never had for any other committee meeting. But Jude is right--I do know this stuff and significant portions of it I feel proud of (other than of course the conclusion). So more than anything else, I'm trying to anticipate the positive outcome of all of this. Finally, Being, Dr. Mon.
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10 comments:
I love the comparison of the conclusion to that of a Lifetime movie! I so know that feeling. Honestly, it's totally totally totally normal to feel this way, I think, as most people I know had to revise their conclusion in some way. I had the same feeling you did -- never wanting to see the darn thing again -- but you've done so much hard work, so congratulate yourself, enjoy your time as you start to feel like yourself again, and know that we're all behind you, cheering you on! (Plus, the conclusion may be better than you think!)
Wow! That was some marathon writing you did this past week. It is good that you get to go away to the beach for a bit of down time. Have fun!
I love the James Patterson books and can attest to why they are always checked out. While I'm not trying to discourage you, I wouldn't start with Mary, Mary. Patterson has a series of books with the main character as Alex Cross. In order to understand some of the story line in Mary, Mary you should read some of the previous books. Patterson has a website with all of the Cross books listed in order of publication.
Ragey--Unfortunately, I'm about halfway in already. I realized in the process of reading that I had started with the wrong book. I actually checked it out for my mother but she's really picky so I told her I'd read it real quick to let her know if she'd like it. I JUST told her this mornin that I was gonna have to get her the first book because I could tell that his personal life figures prominently in these books. I don't mind too much having spoiled some things but my mother HATES reading series out of order so I'll look at that site and get her the first book at work tomorrow. Any other author recommendations for me??
man that is so exciting!
congrats on sending out the diss. i hope to make it to that point one day. you are an inspiration
I'm like your Mom. If it is a series I want to read from the beginning. The Cross series is very good. A few were made into movies (Along Came a Spider and Kiss the Girls). Personally, I didn't see either movie. I don't like to see a movie if I've read the book. The filmmakers never do the books justice.
Patterson's Suzanne's Letter to Nicholas and Sam's Diary to Jennifer are good too.
Do you like mysteires that are in a series? If so, the Prey series by John Sanford is good. I've not read all of those, but I've listend to some on audiotape.
Harlen Coben has a series of Myron Bolitar mysteries and some that are not in the Bolitar group.
Lisa Scottoline is kinda like John Grisham. Her characters are lawyers only female. They are based in Philly and although each book may have a different lead character they do crossover form one book to the other.
Lisa Gardener is another mystery writer and her characters are different, but the same in some books.
I also like Sue Grafton. She wrote the alphabet series and is currenlty up to letter S. I have S is for Silence but I haven't read it yet.
Diane Mott Davison writes the culinary mysteries. Her main character is a catererer in CO. She sprinkles recipes throughout the books. Hers should be read in order.
Okay, I could go on, but I'll stop here. :>)
Very cool Ragey--thanks!! I'm not picky as far as series or not. Almost all the ones you mention I've seen the authors at the library. Along Came a Spider is checked out but I have it on hold :)! I've never seen that movie. I love Grisham so I may try Scottoline until Along Came a Spider comes back. I had been thinking about checking out Grafton--she seems popular--should I start with A? I'll see what's in at work in the morning.
AND Nubian you WILL be here before you know it!!
Way to go, Mon!
I love the way a shower feels when you're really tired and the hot water just feels like it reaches through the skin.
Dr. Mon. Now that has a nice ring to it! Enjoy all this normalcy; you've more than deserved it.
Oh, I'll add Elizabeth George to the list of mystery writers. The first few books in the Thomas Lynley series are great reads.
If you check out Grafton you should start with A. Also, I forgot to mention Janet Evonvich (that may be spelled incorrectly). She writes the Stephanie Plum mysteries and if you want a mystery that will make you laugh then check her books out. The series has numberd tiles (i.e., One for the Money; Hot Six; Hard Eight; etc.). I think she's up to nine.
On a totally unrelated note - I sent you an e-mail (to the hotmail account on your profile). Do you check that one?
Hey, I am way too past my Ph.D. in some ways to be saying any of this (good luck with the defense; remember one important thing -- namely, you ARE the expert in whatever your topic is AND NO ONE ELSE IS by the time you get to the defense. Someone told me that way too many years ago to admit and it is definitely true.) Anyway, I got to your site because I am putting things on murder mysteries that deal with food on my site (bad grammar. wow) and yours came up. Nice to see another academic dealing with things by blogging. My site is Cooking With Ideas; url is http://cookingwithideas.typepad.com/cooking_with_ideas/
As a side note, though I am not a person of color, one place to look for things that are relevant in terms of mentoring over a career is the AAC&U. Also, do you know a consortium for a strong minority presence?
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