D-Fence!

So I'm starting to really get psyched up for the defense. The big day is Monday--showdown is at high noon. And it is starting to feel like I'm getting ready for a sports event. When I was at work this morning, all kinds of arena songs were in my head: Are You Ready for This--We Will Rock You--Let's Get It Started. (If you really want to know how my brain sounded this morning, go here.) Somewhere in the back of my mind, a mad crowd of people were stomping and shouting "DE-FENSE" and waving illustrative signs. Kinda like this:


Annoying music and stomping in my head aside, I am feeling better about the defense. I have once again embraced my mantra about this process--"it is not about you"--and I've resigned myself to knowing that there may be some uncomfortable moments but they won't last long. My changing attitude is due in part to all the reassurance/positive reinforcement I got from Dr. J and his conference friends. Dr. J of course is just so wonderful and supportive, and I am truly blessed to have met him at such an important time in my life. It was also good to be around academics who weren't personally invested in my process in some way and who could just empathize. It also helps that one of my CoChairs emailed me today to say that she liked the new revisions. That was a good break in the increasing silence between me and the folks up North.

Before Monday, I just need to finish going through my draft. That's the main thing. I'm not really sure what else to do beyond that to prepare. Joan Bolker's advice on preparing for the defense: "The more you can demystify the process before you walk into your exam, the better off you'll be." I should have talked to some more people, attended a defense somewhere along the way, and (as Bolker suggests) come up with a hard list of questions the folks might ask me. But in the time I have left, there are still a few mentors at other institutions I can chat with who I'm sure will have some good advice. And I know I will talk through my project with Dr. J on the way up the road and get him to throw some tough questions at me. I am very much aware of the shortcomings of the project and the issues that are going to be raised with methodology. I'm just trying to think about ways to spin them in more positive ways. I also need to do a little work on future publication outlets before I leave town.

The best advice I think I've gotten so far, both from Joan Bolker and a good friend who teaches in Upstate New York, is that I need to go into the defense as a soon-to-be colleague moreso than a student. Along these lines, my friend warns, "The last thing they want in that space is to see someone sounding like a student still...tentative, unwilling to take stances, etc. One thing they'll also be looking at is how you respond to critique--whether you are collegial or not." Similarly, Bolker advises, "Remember that this is the last time you're likely to be a student, and that you're right at the edge of becoming a colleague; act like a professional and an expert in your field, as part of proving to your committee that you are ready to make the shift." I know I am ready to make this shift and if I can visual the professional aspects of this moment as the primary focus, I think I can handle it. The one last piece of getting ready for the defense that I'm going to have to work on is coming up with questions that I might have for the committee. I do want to make sure I get their "final thoughts"--not just the document but on my future contributions in this area of research--so I want to make sure I have a few questions for them as well to keep this as conversational as possible.

Final thoughts from Bolker:

Remember the old joke about what one calls the person who graduates last in his medical school class: "doctor." The same holds true for those who just squeak by their thesis defenses. The best dissertation is an accepted dissertation. And no one will ever ask you about your performance at the event at which it was accepted.

This is a little negative in my view but it's so true. At the end of the day on Monday, I just want to be done and it is not really going to matter what goes down in that room. In a more positive light, the defense should reveal how much I do know and that I am ready to take on this new position in the academy--and I hope I walk away with some positive internal feelings about my work. But as long as they call me doctor, I'll be good to go! I'm on blogging hiatus for the weekend. But I'll definitely have plenty to post on Monday.