Not Really a Wall...

I've returned to that point where I avoid talking or thinking about the dissertation at any time other than when I'm working on it. Hence the lack of detailed updates. It does warm my heart to know that somehow I am inspiring others through this blog--I never imagined that when I started it. In the spirit of continued truth about this process....

Slowly, I feel myself disconnecting once again from this project. I work on it, and then I stop. I don't think about it, I don't dream about it, I don't look at it or play with it--I don't even worry about my defense my anymore. I just work on it, and then I stop. I work on it and then watch TV. I work on it and then have expensive coffee drinks. I work on it and then go to sleep. It has all become rather routine and more importantly, unemotional. I think this is the first time I've really felt utterly numb and absolutely mechanical about this process. Perhaps that is the nature of revisions for me--I find little emotional stimulation in this kind of writing. I think I much more prefer the emotional highs and lows of generating new text. But revisions have never felt like this. Just______. Blank that is.

I wouldn't say I've hit another wall because I haven't reached a point of stasis. I'm still moving forward. I've read through all the chapters--except the conclusion which I'm saving as the last step in my revisions. Tonight or first thing tomorrow I'll really get into the process of translating my handwritten revisions over to the computer--a process that should take the rest of the week. I also will get moving on typing up my handwritten map of my preface (which is shaping up nicely I think). But there is this weird absence of any feeling at all about the whole thing. So I haven't hit a wall but I'm definitely truckin through some weird mud or something right now. I can clearly see my destination so it is just a matter of moving forward, even though I don't feel anything anymore. Most likely, my senses will be stimulated more after I get this draft back in, but right now I am definitely on emotional autopilot when it comes to the diss....