My department is hosting an event in New School City next week to celebrate the expansion of our program. I'm under no obligation to attend but decided that since Dr. J will be in town next week, perhaps we should check it out. For starters, I haven't actually been to this location before, so it will be good to make the drive from my place since I will be teaching there once a week. But more importantly, I feel like I need some time to transition into being social again.
Let's just keep it real. This has been THE most anti-social year in my life, and I'm already not the most social person in the world. I am an all-around friendly person, and I'm very outgoing and dynamic in public speaking roles like teaching, but I am by nature very cautious and reserved in interpersonal situations. One thing about being home is that my mom has been telling me these great stories about when I was a toddler/young child. For example, we were eating at Chick-Fil-A one day, watching this little girl who was standing at the door of the "Playland." It was clear she wanted to go and play by the way she was looking, but she just looked. Then the other kids left and she rushed right in. According to my mother, I was the same way--she could never get me to play in those things if there were too many kids in there. A couple kids, I was cool--a whole lot, I'd just sit back and watch. I am still very much the same way. Only now, I am a lot more aware of when I'm expected to be "on" in social situations. Going into this new department, there is a lot of pressure for me to be "on." This institution has invested a lot of resources to get me there and to make things comfortable for me to stay, so there is the pressure to show that they've made a good investment. Most of the scrutiny of course will be on my teaching and research, but I'm very well aware that there is also the very strong social component of being "collegial." I am by no means interested in being anything other than myself. But I do recognize that I haven't been "on" in almost two years (if you include the comps hibernation as well) and I might be a little rusty. I definitely am not in the mood to rush in the Playland while there are a bunch of kids in there already. So I'm trying to exercise some agency here. I've decided that just like all other things in my life post-dissertation, I need a transition. I can't just jump into a active sorority life again any more than I can expect myself to feel immediately comfortable in my growing department on the first day of school. There needs (for my personal sanity) to be a progression. And I think this event (and subsequent trips to New School City to get settled in) will do me well to transition back into the world of--well--just the world outside.
1 comments:
Mon, I really appreciated your thoughtful post a couple of days ago on entering the profesoriate as a woman of color. You raise some really great points about expectations and pressures and how those are different for women of color -- both from colleagues, institutions, and students. Thanks for sharing the video, and your response to it. (By the way, Robin D. G. Kelley is totally one of my heroes.)
And, I just wanted to say huge congrats on your defense and your new job! Good luck with the move next week, and with wrapping up your stuff this week.
As for transitioning -- it will be something that you get to choose to do as you want to. It isn't easy to become a professor overnight, but remember -- they wanted you. They chose you. And, they want to keep you. That means keeping you happy. So, particularly in your first year, feel free to say no to things that don't feel good -- to things that take your time away from teaching and making that transition to facultyhood. The event you described sounds like a good way to ease your way into that crowded playground!
best,
SG
Post a Comment