Proposal Eve

Four years ago this week, I moved up here to begin graduate school. That just blows me away. July 1, 2001 I started my first big university job--research assistant. A soon to be MA student, I was clueless about the journey I was beginning, but I was fascinated and excited about the possibilities. Oh to be there again. The novelty of academe has definitely worn off. But I'm still excited about my research and ready to go, go, go. In a few hours, I'll be defending my dissertation proposal. I think it's finally sinking in--the ABD thing. I didn't understand why everyone kept asking my after my exams if it had sunk in yet. I kept saying yes because the four days of writing and oral defense were intense; I was relieved to make it through. I felt like I had passed THE test and that I was almost in "the club." But now it's really sinking in--I'm only ABD. There is a tremendous weight on those three letters for me right now--A B D. They should call it AGE--Almost Good Enough. (Mental note: write a post about age and academe one of these days). So yes, it has officially sunk in. Every thing I've made it through in these four years is ALL good, BUT none of it means anything until I knock out this DISSERTATION. (DUH). Four years ago, this moment was complete fiction--it did not exist in my mind. It was a dream. It was a nice aspiration, but it had no connection to my reality of being fresh out of undergrad. And besides, I never really thought I would stay here this long. But now, here I am, sitting (when I should be sleeping) in the hours before the big proposal meeting. Very overwhelming.

Prior to this completely overwhelming feeling, I was packing. And prior to packing, I spent the day shopping for a way around the $700 estimate the mechanic quoted me to get my 1990 four wheels and some metal down the highway to the South. So actually, the feeling of being overwhelmed has been hanging over me like Savannah moss all day. My plans to be home on Thursday are now up in the air since the place I found to fix my car (for $150 plus labor) can't do it until Thursday morning. Sigh. It wouldn't be a big deal if I didn't need to be in Florida on Saturday (not in my car but still driving). I wasn't really trying to drive the entire East Coast in 24 hours, but it is starting to look that way.

But, there were two bright spots to the day. 1) I got some work done on revising an article for publication. Only catch is that I came up with a way to make the argument more compelling which is going to require more rewriting and reorganizing. (Mental note #2: write a post about age and publication) 2) I saw Stevie Wonder dance tonight. So despite being very overwhelmed--I guess everything seems a little more possible when you see Stevie Wonder do a choreographed routine on national television.

Proposal updates to come this evening..stay tuned....