Return to Routine

Dr. J sent me Home. To Hometown. We couldn't really afford it; we hadn't planned to be in Homestate until Christmas, but clearly, I needed to see my Grandmother and Mom. Even though I didn't ask and wasn't looking for it, I am so grateful to have a husband sensitive enough to understand that need and push me to make it happen. I probably would have talked myself out of going citing finances, writing, timing, and a host of other things. But I'm glad he didn't let me.

I went home, and I'm so glad I did. It was a wonderful trip. I missed Dr. J tremendously. But he had a conference during the time, so I would have missed him for a few days either way. It was good for me to spend time with both of my grandmothers, let Mom spoil me a bit, and just be home (it had been a full year since my last trip).

Being Home was good for my soul. But it did remind me of just how far we are from Home and brought back a lot of the doubts I have in my mind about starting a family. Dr. J and I both grew up with large extended families, and it is hard for me to imagine raising a child who would essentially be a family loner--missing the early years of the almost daily contact that we had with grandmothers and cousins and aunts and uncles. The thought of that scares me. But being reminded of the preciousness of life--learning that my grandmother does indeed have cancer--at the same time increases the urgency of just wanting to throw all the B-S of academic life and post-graduate school finances to the wind and just step out on faith and try to make starting a family here work.

I'm back in River City grateful for the time at Home. And on the heels of my trip, we had a great Fourth weekend with friends. But now I'm longing for a return to my routine and some peace of mind in what's next for my family--here and at Home.